Un-Mother

I thought it was the rage I feared underneath my hurt underneath the pain of being un-mothered I pushed down the anger - rationalized intellectualized normalized - life as a child with an un-mother to avoid a rage I feared would destroy me … or her…. or … a burning, white-hot, fist-punching, legs kicking, eyes blazing, feet stomping, full body rage how could I not have seen below the rage? the tiny steps, the slumping body, the hung head, the heaviness of grief a grief for being un-mothered a grief that threatens to undo me Oh! if only I had stopped at rage.