Two Days Before the New Year, and This Is How I Spend It

i dont know what to do... nothing is real. a hole has been ripped through my chest hands shaking tears streaming nothing matters i want to die i dont want to face it anymore and i dont care if that makes me a coward... my heart has been broken forever i cant catch my breath i feel so alone but i have to keep it inside no one can know... i can trust no one.. no one cares no one loves me.. i wonder what it feels like... death i mean.. i bet its easy, peaceful almost maybe thats what i should do... maybe i should leave no one will miss me anyway... so whats the bother... i dont know whats real.. i dont know what to believe....