Notes About The Poem

Premiere Contest WinnerTunnel Vision

Graffiti frames a tunneled tomb, beneath the city's core
where writings stretch upon the wall in dialects profaned
A hallmark and a tell-tale sign, but somehow, no one sees
Unspoken fears have set apart the lives that mingle here 

In every shade the masses grow, and mingle side by side 
Day, by day, the same routine, sardines until they die 
The writing on the tunneled walls is just a sign to come
that walls have grown to come between the hands of humankind

They board as one, but coldness churns through veins beneath the ground
Habits honed have deafened ears to echoes all around
Distance tumbles through the aisles, small words too frail to say
"How are you, what can I do to help you smile today?"

Too occupied for reaching out to be the other's friend 
No glance, no chance to say hello to the stranger by your side
No hands to grasp, no questions asked, just eyes in downward glance,
A phone in hand, whatever land, beyond all human touch

As seasons pass, left in the dust the silence breeds and feeds
more apathy, that beats the heart, as cold and hard as stone.. 
The sound of silence just rumbles on,  until the walls come down

_________________________________________________________
4/27/18
Copyright © | Year Posted 2018

Poem

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Dillard Avatar
September 19, 2018 at 11:15 PM
Carrie, This piece is so well written, so that thought or message is linked with rhythm and rhyme in a lagato fashion. It rolls of the tongue when read aloud and suddenly the picture comes to life. The third verse is fluid and expressive with meaning beyond the written word. This is what we all want to do. Beautiful! RAY
De Beaulieu Avatar
June 1, 2018 at 5:27 PM
Hello Carrie, i do not think that any wall should have any graffiti on it. it makes a building look ugly. Have a nice evening my friend.
Barden Avatar
May 27, 2018 at 12:27 AM
You are simply on a level all your own, Carrie, and one of the best I've yet to see on this site ... that is an extraordinary thing, as there are so many talented writers here, but you hold a command of language and expression that has an insightful edge, but still retains an innocence of youth. Many writers get caught in their own trap of "haughty sophistication", and they lose the colors of imagination when they do, something that is missing these days, in my opinion. Wonderful work! :-) <3
Mundine Avatar
May 26, 2018 at 8:06 PM
Bravo!!!I thoroughly enjoyed that feat of great thought and print. Many of you on our Soup rival renown writers of past eras and you are one. Keep up the work of champions. DKay
Densham Avatar
May 25, 2018 at 10:09 AM
Whoa! Powerful stuff and clear in mind. Like I'm right there. Great job!
Onclaud Avatar
May 21, 2018 at 12:51 PM
You are incredible with imagery and tone, dear carrie... again a highest spot in your favor... many congrats!
Neumann Avatar
May 21, 2018 at 2:25 AM
Congratulations on your win in my contest. And when/if the walls come tumbling down, some tunnels can see the light. I enjoyed your poem enormously and it is a worthy winner. Kind wishes, Kai
Leiser Avatar
May 20, 2018 at 11:23 PM
There is a powerful warning that rings true in your excellent and expertly written poem fo this day and age,Carrie. Congrats on your well deserved top win!
Canerdy Avatar
May 20, 2018 at 12:53 PM
How WELL you have described SO many people! Studies show that being lonely in a crowd is more common than ever before. CONGRATS, Carrie! Janice
Gentry Avatar
May 20, 2018 at 12:47 PM
Back to say congratulations on your #1 win. A well-deserved one for this well-written poem with a timely message.
Gauthier Avatar
May 20, 2018 at 6:48 AM
Beautiful, Carrie. A well deserved gold medal win.
Sinha-Roy Avatar
May 20, 2018 at 4:31 AM
Congratulations on your win, Carrie.
Sergi Avatar
May 6, 2018 at 12:08 PM
Great Descriptive poem that surpassed my version. I forgot to enter mine.
George   Avatar
April 30, 2018 at 12:40 PM
This one goes to my favs. UNBELIEVABLE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE HERE DEAR , CARRIE. I HOPE THE WORLD WILL READ AND HEED THIS. Sincerely, Elaine This brilliant free verse will stand the test of time. Sincerely, Elaine
Ligon Avatar
April 29, 2018 at 2:53 PM
Nicely penned. Your descriptions make me feel like I'm in the midst of a crowded subway first-hand.
Gentry Avatar
April 28, 2018 at 9:31 AM
A sad and scary tunnel vision poem. I liked the imagery, esp ...silence breeds and feeds apathy... there are several more. A winner for sure. Good luck in contest.
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