Trying For Attention

Practically serious I said something weird. No one noticed in this family so I put on my sumo wrestling diaper. One grandchild began to laugh; the other nine rolled their eyes. They had seen this before. Who wants to have a pancake eating contest? I asked. They started yelling “with corn, with whipped cream, with tacos.” Pancakes with tacos? I took a good look at this grandson. He was more like his grandma than I thought. Sure I said. Why not? We scooted the pigs out of the kitchen And began stirring up batter; from scratch, not a box. My daughter tossed pickle relish and horse radish sauce on the table. “The one who eats the worst tasting pancake wins a night with the pigs.” I was careful to act too prissy to eat the horseradish-mountain-oyster pancake. I had won a night with the pigs before, and they always took all the covers. If you could sleep through the gas they passed, you might survive ‘til morning. Want any help? My bossy co-work Yolana asked. Sure, I said Eat that vapor cream, gasoline pancake.”