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Together We Die

Madness fills my mind. Rabid thoughts pop in and out; loneliness, longing fatherless child, I. Father, she, his?, mine, mine! Madness flares red-caped sorrow chases a cats tail. My one child knows not. Not my brothers child, mine Madness pinwheels razor blades. Suffering I flee……. my girl I clutch to only me, from the bridge we dive she and I together die. Father? she, He, mine, MINE! *Something Wicked Came.

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Sara Kendrick

Date: 10/6/2010 3:44:00 AM

Interesting write..Not sure that I know what it is about...Maybe a unwed mother who has lost it...Or is it a child of incest? Sara

Rhia Madison Thomer

Date: 5/13/2009 8:00:00 PM

"Sorrow chases a cat's tail" a very memorable line that will be chasing itself around my own mind. a very memorable write, this had me feeling a bit mad myself, the power behind the words is breathtaking, truly wonderful! thanks for your comments! <3 madison

Jo Hayton

Date: 5/7/2009 12:54:00 PM

This poem filled me with fear, it had me like Charmaine said, holding my breath, until the end, so sad.. Thankyou for your comments on my work, love Jo xx

Charmaine Chircop

Date: 5/2/2009 3:23:00 PM

chilling,wicked and terrifying--you made me hold my breath-together we die-the title frightens me in its own wordings,well penned---charma

Veronica Joseph

Date: 4/28/2009 1:45:00 PM

dark and twisty.

John Loving Iii

Date: 4/28/2009 1:15:00 PM

"his?" Do you know how disheartening that is? to us? to men? to me? It is a cause for rage and anger because if it's his, jump.

Raul Moreno

Date: 4/28/2009 12:40:00 PM

Dark and compelling. Nice work...Raul

Nathaniel Köhp

Date: 4/28/2009 10:07:00 AM

I entered SWTWC also; there's serious competition here! I love how fast-paced this is, it's definitely got a beat going with it. The commas work brilliantly, the exclamation marks bring out the madness and then when the capitals come in, it's like an explosion in literature! A very talented write indeed :P Ps. Thank you so much for all your help :) Nathaniel

Yoni Dvorkis

Date: 4/28/2009 6:44:00 AM

Great pacing. The commas make me feel like I'm being punched by the words. I don't get line 9 about your brother's child. That one seems slightly out of place. The rest fits perfectly into one's decent into madness hoping He can get you out of it. Also how does the * phrase fit in? I'd use it as a title, it seems more like a footnote down there though. I love how you explore the darker realms of humanity Deb, as always. L&L - Yoni

Carrie Richards

Date: 4/27/2009 6:43:00 PM

Can almost see the madness taking the mind....and the lost taking the leap.