To Whoever

To Whoever: My life isn’t a joke, My depression isn’t something to laugh at. You say you care, do you? If you do stop laughing. when I do something that brings me pleasure, don’t call me a disgrace. Don’t point and laugh. Don’t be fake, don’t try to be someone you aren’t around me. Don’t judge me behind my back. Please don’t make fun of my weight, what I watch, how I go off on a tangent about something I love. Please stay away if you want that! Please don’t involve me! Don’t bring me in and make me loved and then dump me on the curb like garbage! I love you, my friend! Even though you are cruel I keep coming back like a stupid moth to the flame. I am the moth and you the flame. You are the bright light that if I get too, close to I will get burnt. I will be hurt and not you. I love you! I hate you! The judging stares and evil glares from you! I hate being who I am, being judged and mocked! It hurts, you don’t see it. I hide it so well my friend. Can you see beyond the facade? Can you see who I am? I am a broken mirror. your words, actions, and judgments are the brick that was thrown into the fragile glass house I live in. You were the one that broke me! My friend, I hate you and love you! I love how after I met you the world gleamed like a fairytale, my whole world lit up like fireworks, my heart exploded with joy. We are so close, I know how your mind works inside and out. My friend I want to keep our bond special forever. I hate how you look at me as though I have something I need to apologize for. I hate how I can feel so well around you one minute, but the next I'm balling out my eyes on the floor with seven bleeding lines on my arm. I hate how I feel like a burden, like I should have to feel ashamed to say that I'm hungry around you, that I should be worried about what I say to you! Why should I feel bad for what I am? Why should I hide? Why should I feel judged by you? Who knows where we'll be in the future, but I'll remember what you said about watching my calories, trying to shed a few pounds, that I'm a freak. I'll remember every single morning when I look in the mirror, when someone says I am beautiful I'll remember how you made me feel. Who knows if those scars will disappear over time, but my heart and my facade of happiness, this fake monster I've created will never disappear. Sincerely, The Broken