To Grow Old

I am going to grow old suddenly. it will happen one day while eating peanut butter worrying about a lie I told thirty-seven years ago wondering whatever happened to that one special girl absently watching but not comprehending some old blurry near-memorized perry mason episodes while Oppenheimer's borrowed eyes conceal a black and white mind become a hummingbird now but not a regular hummingbird instead a drunken listless embarrassed spastic wreck of a dark hummingbird bouncing off walls spitting and cursing I am going to grow old suddenly. it will happen one day the moon appearing and disappearing only my ancestors may count these seasons this empty coliseum now lacking a hero or crowd the dust in his teeth reminds him that the christians and the lions left together long ago their memories and yours like fiery tumbleweeds for the prairie mind I am going to grow old suddenly. it will happen one day a hardly remembered mummy with crown of white hair the boot-heel king old briar blissfully unaware the fragile conspiracy of synapse absently clicking through channels with his box full of hints that he gave up for lent some tobacco and stained flannels I am going to grow old suddenly. it will happen one day and no one will be here to know the last man on earth yet negotiating for space for the digging of holes for the burying of jars for the cataloging of clever treasures a plump endless cycle known only to him delicate old brain always fluttering now folding up the origami of years