this is what the drugs are for

my foot taps as teacher talks my fingers touch as students walk i notice my stomach as i gawk at her body in that top if only i could chop what hung and flopped adapt to tanks, desired lengths, no pain that shanks in my belly that aches my eyes blink swiftly does the clock only say 50? just one more months just 31 days how long will i stay until i turn grey? will the knawing pain stray? will my life seem to change? rearrange my thoughts my touch my lunch till i don't eat and my stomachs gone cold, i still feel it in my bones it's begging to stay, do i even have i say? high in the sky on my meds from this guy he knows what's best, repress the need,the need to grieve,the need to feed,the need to bleed, the need to be.. be calm. don't worry mom. smile to hide the vile floating in your throat devote the doctors note to admin, pray they believe the words you perceive as you read to lead to the cover thrown, a mask you own, knawing bone, all alone.