This Is My Therapy Dead Friendship 10 of 11

Some go to a shrink or psychiatrist and jabber, I do this anywhere anytime, I express, pen press and feel bliss for free, open cus opinions mean nothing to me, I guess people don't matter cus people flatten they don't flatter when I was in the gutter with gut dread rather than believe and help relieve pain they brand lies in my name then complain everyone complains of false troubles the same, so dismissive so disrespectful actually self centred and selfish as two minutes later they feel the need to talk of their exes exit months ago you've already tried to help them through still here they go though it's too much effort to listen to you, they are like all eyes on me and nothing to give so you refuse to talk as they did and they get upset, can't believe it, so you explain why would I talk about you after you told me my problem's not true. All this is a sideshow to my real problems so I let it go and leave it, forgotten, but they're aggrieved, think I'm unkind and start telling everyone I lie make up stories and this spreads like wildfire from deadhead to deadhead now I'm seen as a blagger that will sit and blabber and rather than decide in their own heads for themselves they side like a shelve while my situation is killing me inside but if it's spoke of it's pre-believed as a lie though they've no clue, losing my mind, enjoying the bonding as a group ignorant to truth what a hoof to the tooth, so I'm aloof while they get used to this, I'm unaware cus I've got a real fight with strife that requires a focused mind and this is my downtime, get stoned blank mind. Real problems distract and impact me, who can I turn too with no one true, slowly I leave my friends life, I go free and after their laughter there's realisation they can't figure out why, I'm just a changed one, while I've so much on my mind I forget the reason, I forget their treason, still my subconscious propelled me away and only when my mind unravels years later I realise why I didn't stay. A lifetime of friendship was instantly corrupt, rather than help me you said I make stuff up!!!