This Deasise

I AM FULLY AWARE THAT I'M GETTING NO WHERE
I AM JUST TRYING TO  FIND SOMETHING I LOST IN THE DESPAIRE
I CANNOT COUNT ON THIS MIND OF MINE ANYMORE
LETTING THIS THING CONTROL ME AND EAT AT MY CORE
I NEVER MENT TO GO THIS FAR INTO THE BLACK PIT 
BUT ALL THIS PAIN IS KILL ME AND I CAN'T STAND THIS 
I KNOW I'M NOT UNCLEAN, UNWANTED, OR DEAD
BUT ALL OF THE FEELINGS JUST KEEP FILLING MY HEAD
I'M STRUGGLING TO KEEP MY SANITY STRAIGHT
AND TO PUSH BACK ALL OF THIS EMOTION AND HATE
ANYTHING I FEEL, I FEEL FOR MYSELF THESES DAYS
AND I SEE THAT IT'S SELFISH BUT I KNOW NO OTHER WAYS
I'M NOT DEALING, I'M DYING  IN THE KNOWLEDGE OF MY DISEASE
AND THIS IS MY LIFE SO STAY OUT IF YOU PLEASE
Copyright © | Year Posted 2006

Poem

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Book: Diverse Voices: The Poetry of Human Rights and the Pursuit of Peace