Notes About The Poem
Published in: PS: It's Poetry: An Anthology of Contemporary Poetry from Around the World – November 27, 2020

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Theft of My Will To Survive

Blindly.. 
I beseech you
for my eyes won’t adjust
to this shaded maze of despair -
neither the lantern’s flame 
nor a compass rose can help me now
in disrepair I need to find you 
with fingers outstretched I raise my arms
groping for you like a eyeless babe for her mother 
..but you’re not there —
   a cunning thief this despair 
     for stealing my sight for a way out

Why won’t the summer solstice light this darkness
nor warm this anguished atmosphere..
am I to die here where I lie?
my undressed soul exposed to the wind-chill of your loss
naked in biting throes beneath a stony sun
desperate to thaw ice dams lodged in my bloodstream..
the winter sallow of my heart’s shallows a skater’s delight —
   a cunning partner this despair.. 
     ice-dancing with my pain

Where is the air I need to breathe..?
it’s evaporated with you and the dreams we used to dream
the weaver a double-dealer stealer..
life no longer lives in my poker-faced lifestyle 
nor in fantasies long gone from sleep’s clouds 
moth-eaten desires and grit and tears
too holey and harsh to knit a warm reason to swaddle in -
just let me close heavy hope-chest-lids of empty eyes
and take my last shrinking violet breath —
   a cunning spy this despair 
     for infiltrating my will to survive..


Susan Ashley
October 11, 2020


N/A
Premiere Contest: 2022 Poetry Marathon Mile 22 
Sponsor: Mark Toney
(reformatted)

~ First Place ~
Contest: Will To Survive 
Sponsor: Silent One
Copyright © | Year Posted 2020

Poem

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12
Gauthier Avatar
January 20, 2021 at 6:10 PM
A powerful poem, Susan ~ so glad to see it published in the 2020 PS Anthology,
Ashley Avatar
January 21, 2021 at 5:46 PM
Dear Line, it is an honor to feel your presence here and to read your wonderful comments, both are truly appreciated. Thank you for spending some time with my poem. Your words shine from your wonderful heart. I hope life and 2021 is treating you kindly, my friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Marc Avatar
December 4, 2020 at 6:11 PM
This is a Fav! Thank you for sharing :)
Ashley Avatar
December 4, 2020 at 6:27 PM
You're welcome and thank you, P.M., for the great honor of your fav. I'm so pleased you enjoyed my poem. Your wonderful visit is truly appreciated. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Delaney Avatar
November 19, 2020 at 4:36 PM
Brilliant Susan: Despair as a willing spy. Congratulations on your top placing. Hugs, SuZ
Ashley Avatar
November 21, 2020 at 10:22 AM
SuZ, thank you for your heartwarming congrats and for sharing your precious thoughts with me. I relish your shining presence here and your uplifting comments, dear poetess. Warmest wishes and hugs to you.. ~Susan
Romios Avatar
November 10, 2020 at 10:57 AM
A WOrthy win. Outstanding verss Panagiota cxx
Ashley Avatar
November 10, 2020 at 2:13 PM
Dear Pangie, your wonderful presence brings a shine to my poem. It's a pleasure to read your heartwarming comments, my friend. Thank you for making me day much brighter with your gracious visit and your uplifting words. Warmest wishes, dear poetess.. ~Susan
Blodgett Avatar
November 7, 2020 at 3:24 PM
So beautiful Susan!!
Ashley Avatar
November 7, 2020 at 8:12 PM
Lonna, it's a pleasure to see you and to receive your inspiring comment. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. Thank you, my dear friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Hamilton Avatar
October 30, 2020 at 8:30 AM
How did I miss this one, I agree with Elaine, a true masterpiece, an obvious winner, glad to see Silent One gave this it's due recognition, another fave to read over and over again!
Ashley Avatar
October 30, 2020 at 3:49 PM
I am thrilled by your response to my poem, John. My heart glows with the warmth of your words. Thank you for sharing your precious thoughts with me and for the grand honor of your fave, both are held in the bloom of my appreciation. Warmest wishes, my dear friend.. ~Susan
Callus Avatar
October 26, 2020 at 1:00 AM
Your love for poetry is a guarantee that you will never give up in life, Susan. I have always known you to be hopeful and optimistic. Once again you dazzle with words, my friend. Congratulations on placing first! ~ Warm regards & hugs // paul
Ashley Avatar
October 28, 2020 at 8:02 PM
Indeed, my dear friend.. Hope and optimism still reigns. I'll always hold on tightly to those two! :)) Thank you for your heartwarming congrats and for sharing your precious thoughts with me, Paul. As always, your visit brings a bouquet of smiles!! Warmest wishes and hugs to you.. ~Susan
Buehler Avatar
October 24, 2020 at 8:56 PM
Your sad and amazing poem explores the despair of heartbreak so well, Susan. Wonderful imagery!
Ashley Avatar
October 25, 2020 at 5:56 PM
Evelyn, thank for your exploring these sad feelings with me and for leaving your lovely comments. It's always wonderful when your presence graces my poem. I'm so glad you enjoyed this, my friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Watt Avatar
October 23, 2020 at 2:32 PM
"My undressed soul exposed to the wind-chill of your loss". I shiver just to read those crystalline words of frigid helplessness. The "poker-faced lifestyle" is that mask we wear to conceal our emptiness. The "fantasies long gone from sleep’s clouds" convey such despondency. If despair ever were to kidnap my last hope, this is the poem I would wish to read and say "somebody else in this world knows what I am going through". Magnificent and breathtaking writing of the dark realm, my friend.
Ashley Avatar
October 23, 2020 at 4:32 PM
Ah, John, I am deeply moved by the sensitivity of your poetic and empathetic soul. The beauty of empathy radiates from your spirit, my wonderful friend. As a poet, I am honored and humbled to know that my poem would be the one you'd read to know you're not alone, but as your friend, if despair were ever to kidnap your last hope, I'd kick its a**!! ;) Thank you, John, you are magnificent and so are your cherished comments. Warmest wishes dear poet.. ~Susan P.S. please check out my response to your comments on the Hourglass Wears Wings :))
George   Avatar
October 22, 2020 at 11:22 AM
A MASTERPIECE! Many congrats on your top-notch win. Sincerely, Elaine
Ashley Avatar
October 23, 2020 at 4:19 PM
Elaine, I hold your poetic talent in very high regard. I am both honored and humbled by your comment and heartwarming congrats. Thank you for your gracious visit! Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Ibeh Avatar
October 17, 2020 at 2:42 PM
Absolutely sublime, Susan:-) It's very deserving of the first place win. Heartiest congratulations!
Ashley Avatar
October 17, 2020 at 4:34 PM
Edward, it is such a pleasure to see you. I am humbled by your lovely comments and very kind congrats. Thank you, my friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Andresen Avatar
October 17, 2020 at 12:01 PM
- Survival can be a struggle, Susan ... but often it's not about surviving ... it's about living ... - Congratulations on your top win :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)
Ashley Avatar
October 17, 2020 at 4:32 PM
Indeed, Anne-Lise. Thank you for your insightful comments and you kindhearted congrats. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Radhakrishna Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 12:11 PM
This is an amazing poem!! The format, the words the pictures that emerge point to a talent that is you!! brilliant! I wish I could write like this!!! Hope this wins a top place and POTD!! with regards Krish
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 6:15 PM
I am truly honored and humbled by your generous and kind comments, Krish. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, they are treasured, dear poet. Your deep, emotive and thought-provoking poetry is to be admired, my friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Proxenos Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 11:55 AM
WOW Susan 'Why won't summer solstice light this darkness...........where is the air I need to breathe' you have mastered every form of poetry, you have imaginatively created unbelievable masterful poetry which will be remembered hundreds of years from now. I applaud you. Hugs and blessings, Jennifer.
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 6:12 PM
Dear Jennifer, the generous kindness of your words humble me. How wonderful to have a poetry friend in you, a sweet spirit whose heart shines! Thank you for your precious comments, I will cherish them always. Your gracious visits always leave me elated. Warmest wishes and hugs to you, sweet lady.. ~Susan
Ermine Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 3:28 AM
Susan, agreement resounding with all comments below. Absence is so fluently described. Moth eaten, poker faced, fantasies long gone etc. On top of absence, the recognition of it makes for a very sad situation. Despair perfectly portrayed. Congratulations on your prestigious First place Win.!
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 10:52 AM
Sigrid, I am truly humbled and honored by your beautiful response to my poem. Thank you for sharing your precious thoughts and your heartwarming congrats with me. I truly appreciate the insightful and meaningful spirit of your comments. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Kindness Avatar
October 15, 2020 at 9:20 PM
Congratulation on your win.Really it is a great poem
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 10:46 AM
Thank you, Loving Kindness, for your lovely comment and kindhearted congrats. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Ranaweera  Avatar
October 15, 2020 at 5:00 PM
Congratulations on you Top Win, Susan for this excellent piece that addresses our great emotions!!
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 10:45 AM
Thank you, Newton, for your wonderful comment and kind congrats. Both are truly appreciated. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Sands Avatar
October 15, 2020 at 3:02 PM
Congratulations for your top win Susan :)
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 10:26 AM
Thank you for your heartwarming congrats, Heidi. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Fowler Avatar
October 15, 2020 at 2:27 PM
Very nice Susan. Congratulations on your win! Linda
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 10:44 AM
Thank you, Linda, for your wonderful comment and kind congrats. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Logan Avatar
October 15, 2020 at 2:13 PM
Free verse intermingled with subtle rhyme...a sublime mix that lit it's way right into a top win. Wonderfully expressed are your phrases. They give personification to despair. It truly is a thief of the will to survive. Congratulations to you, Susan!
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 10:43 AM
Jenna, I am thrilled by your wonderful response to my poem. Such comments coming from a poetess of your calibre are to be cherished. Thank you, my dear friend, for sharing your lovely thoughts with me and for your warmhearted congrats. Your insight on using free verse intermingled with subtle rhyme is truly uplifting! Warmest wishes and hugs always.. ~Susan
Cunningham Avatar
October 15, 2020 at 1:33 PM
Back with congratulations Susan on your top win, well deserved. Tom
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 10:27 AM
Tom, both your return visit as well as your heartwarming congrats are truly appreciated. Thank you, my friend. Have a wonderful weekend :)) ~Susan
Pandit Avatar
October 15, 2020 at 1:23 PM
Your poem dazzles in exquisite vocabulary, as always, Susan. BIG congrats on your well earned first place.
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 10:29 AM
Vijay, it is a pleasure to read your uplifting comments and receive your heartwarming congrats. Thank you, both are truly appreciated. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
Y. Avatar
October 15, 2020 at 12:54 PM
WoW! Susan, I see why you alone got first place! Excellent spin on one being robbed on the will to survive. Your such a gifted and amazing poet. Congratulations on your top win. Have a wonderful day:-) Alexis
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 10:35 AM
Alexis, it is so wonderful to see you here! I am humbled by your kind and generous comments. I'm so pleased to know you enjoyed my poem. Both your gracious visit and heartwarming congrats are truly appreciated. Warmest wishes always, dear poetess.. ~Susan
Blodgett Avatar
October 15, 2020 at 12:48 PM
Such immense feeling in your gut felt wrenching of despair. Reminded me of times I was at the lowest end of my courage and scolded my being so. Great poem.
Ashley Avatar
October 16, 2020 at 10:32 AM
Lonna, thank you for sharing your precious thoughts in your meaningful comments. I'm so sorry to know that you have felt deep despair.. I hope and pray that it has lifted never to be experienced again, my dear friend. I relish your presence and your soulful words. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
One Avatar
October 15, 2020 at 12:11 PM
I am lost for superlatives when having to comment on your poems, you always leave with wowing! The vocabulary in your poem is as always diverse and i like how your poem has a slightly different take on the contest.. Congratulations on your first place in the contest...
Ashley Avatar
October 15, 2020 at 12:37 PM
Silent One, I am humbled by your kind words. Thank you for the honor of my poem's placement in your contest. It is joy and a sweet reward to be here among the gifted poets/poetesses on your list. Your contests are inspiring and your sponsorship is truly appreciated. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
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