The Window

An unexpected storm happened last fall I put a window in to keep out the snow and wind For the comfort you brought me, I embraced you You and the peace I didn’t know I needed became my obsession This is wrong You were so constant I got used to it Winter brings a new set of challenges When it’s light outside I look right through you But when it’s dark, you show my reflection, and I’m forced to acknowledge you This is wrong Cracked, but you still serve a purpose Now even the light comes with a scarred view And deservedly you fracture my reflection- Since I had been angry enough to disfigure you in the first place This is wrong Vulnerability left no room for a final mistake Hopes of being whole again replaced by “I wish we’d never met” Maybe there’s no need for you anymore since it’s spring Glass litters the lawn outside, and I still cut myself when I walk there This is wrong An open frame in my wall where the window was The presence of invasive cold does less to freeze me than does your absence Instead of the snow, rain introduces itself And now instead of a reflection I can see the dark that you sheltered me from This is wrong As summer approaches I realize I didn’t have a room with a wall for you I didn’t even have a house or a foundation So why was I ever looking for a window in the first place? This was wrong But for just a moment before it shattered, there was a defiant “I love you” Where we were so broken but so desperate to prove that broken is beautiful The beautiful promise of “no more breaking promises” Then a final broken promise for us to realize broken is ugly This is so wrong I was 16 when I helped frame a house From the concrete to the roof We put the windows in last I hope understanding that will be my concrete And when fall comes around again I’ll be ready