The Thought of Death Is Sweet This Morning

Another day, life without purpose: Beaten, Uneaten, Tossed aside. I want the receipt back for this life: Return it, Get the money, Buy a 38-gauge trip to the end. You gave this life to me God. Once given, forever relinquished. It is mine. You let go all claim when You gave it to me. Now I am ruler, owner. I Shape it, Mold it. My choice. The Jesus tells me to kill myself, Give up. Self-terminate. End the pain and torment, Or does He abuse me with hope, Promise of new life, Victory assured. Impossible success and great joy? Suicide thoughts are not of darkness. Hope to live and prosper is the lie. Satan wants me to live with the torment Of constant failure. Mental illness. Self-hate. Frozen in fear. The god says, “Stop it all now!” Find freedom in dying, Release from hell as promised Because taking my life is the god’s will, So there is no sin or crime. He wants me to shut the door, To welcome the final end. Satan pushes for continued life, Battered, sunk down in a swamp, He lies for me to overcome the world, Expect all things to work for good. Jesus tells me I will always fail. I am a mistake, defective, worthless, Total depravity, born for iniquity. Better to not have been, To slaughter myself now and escape. To stop my life is obedience, Devotion, faithful to comply, Willing to do what the god wants me to do, I thought it was the other way around, But I had the damn thing upside down. Satan wants me to live with worthless hope each day. The god wants me to sleep quiet in peace. Suicide seems right, living is not, And the thought of death is sweet this morning. Satan wants me to live and believe The father, the son, the holy spirit. To say I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, That the god has plans to give me faith And a future. Mr. Devil tells me I can live in light, Accepted by the god and worthwhile on earth, Then watches me squirm and twitch. Dangling in the noose of hope. He wants me to keep living, Afraid to be alone. Without love. Dinning on failure. Swimming in shame. Mr. god wants me to pull the trigger, Slice the artery, Snap the neck, Take the pills, Jump and splat, Do what it takes to take this life Join with Him forever. It is God’s love to end it all. To stop the sorrow. Kill the hurt. Bring true blessing of reincarnation. Yes, the thought of death is sweet this morning.