The Story These Tears Tell

I was 4yrs old, was I really that bad? because one day u packed up for the last time & decided not to be a dad, I was 4yrs old & I understood all to well that life this early on wasn't suppose to be like hell, all the fighting, reconciling & re-designing the kitchen tile with dishes, really made me aware of the here & now and pray 3 more wishes, I was 5yrs old & replaced your memory w/reality, new dad loves us deeply & still hasn't gave up on me, I was 6yrs old when my grandfather took me to a human zoo, hadn't seen ya in over an yr but he said this the only place I could visit you, ages 7-11, I spent as a fairly happy kid, pushed all my pain & problems aside but never forgot the things u did, nothing dirty or nasty just dishonest and down-low, not sure how to classify abandonment but that's what is was for sure, 12-17, I can count on 1 hand how many times I saw you, lost all hope & respect during the teen yrs, no desire for anymore broken promises, 3rd chance parenting went in & outta both ears, by18 I threw out all possibilities, almost walked out on faith after losing a big part of me, gave out my last chance for you to come around but by that time I concluded we no longer had common ground, 21, young, wise & holding on, forever praying & fighting to stay strong, come along way & forgiveness is on my menu, when I was 4, you left me hanging & I gave up on you..