The Soldier's Wife, Part Ii

...When I got my own sweet fiancé, it forced a rethinking of that day. I knew the trust I had in my love, and it so quickly began to dawn. Fun as it was for my youthful mind, that soldier had loved her as I loved mine, they’d pledged each other a whole life’s care, only for her to go do him wrong. And this moment I thought was so great is now hard for me to contemplate, that I could have destroyed a marriage, the foundation of two people’s lives. If somebody had done this to me, taken my Clair and done the naughty, if she broke my trust in such a way I do not know if I could survive. And the woman who had shined so bright in my passion dreams so many nights… How can a person betray it all for a few hours of decent sex? Had she ever really loved that man? Had our affair been part of some plan to give herself excuses to stay? What other men had she moved to next? What if the soldier had never learned? The though of that just makes my insides burn, imagining how I’d feel if Clair had been cheating on me all this time. The thought of other men in my bed, and not believing a word my wife said, then not to even {know she did this… I just can’t imagine such a crime. I think of that soldier, somewhere out there, and regret if I caused him despair, more and more I think of being young, what possessed me to do what I did… I would apologize if I could, but at this point would it do much good? Would it just cause him needless drama, cause trouble for him and any kids? Would he start asking are those kids his? Was that all that might come out of this? If she’d cheated once, she’d cheat again, would anybody know the whole truth? It would like just cause a big mess, assuming he’s not discovered it yet. It’s sometimes cruel how time strips us of the things we once felt sure of in youth.