The Sleepers Note

I've allowed my vision to become muddled, And pushing you away seemed my only tiny salvation. To know that your alright brings my dead heart to flight, as i down these pills tonight. Always have been strong, just one night, just once I would like to fall. You can call me selfish but I'm still holding on. Because I hate myself for hurting you, but i love myself for the memories. I want to take back the time and lay with you for a while. But here i am this room cold and sterile, the rain slamming into my window. I just wanted to go to sleep, except now I'm awake and crying. I scream and sob but still I'm alone, because my plan had failed. Someone noticed that i had fallen to the floor the booze spilled out my door. I cannot change what I have done. But I love you like no tomorrow. I just want to hug you tight and tell you all my sorrow. Except that if i do im terrified you'll pull away, and tell me I deserve this slap to the face. But I know that you wouldn't, I'm just ashamed to cry infront of you. When your life means more then mine, and hurt is buried within your soul. But here I am, I piss and whine. While you suffer in silence. You truly are a beautiful soul. One I seem to hurt. I am sorry but no one else suffices as I know I love you.