The Send Off

I met my father in the afterlife, He looked stern, and his words cut like a knife He said, "I have questions about my last days on earth They were hard, so hard questions have their worth." "When I lay in that hospital bed day after day, And asked you to help me stand, Why did you shake your head and say, 'I must withhold my helping hand?'" I tried to explain, though I felt a pall "The nurse told me it was a risky thing to do I had asked if I could walk you through the hall I didn't realize even lifting up would have brought relief to you. "So who was that caregiver you hired who had no paper trail?" I said, "She came up by train; she said her papers were stolen on the rail" "But son, she asked if you believed in God as I lay there like a wraith Why, my son, did you deny you did, when you knew my strength of faith?" "I can explain that too, Dad, I didn’t want to play her game. I thought false piety is fake and sad If God exists, it would cheapen his name. Dad put a hand on my shoulder, then he said "When I asked, 'What’s wrong with me?' The truth was to every bone cancer had spread I could have used some honesty." "Dad, I thought to lie was kind A snap judgement, in my muddled mind. I thought such dispair is kinder to hide, So I kept the truth frozen inside." "Son, when you wheeled me out for fresh air I was thinking of chemo, I figured you care I said, 'Let’s go,' but you asked "where and why"" Then you heard me say sadly "I have to die" I stammered "They said your body wouldn't take the strain Dad looked at me with doubtful eyes, and then he asked again: "One time I whispered: 'I’m hungry, son,' You heard; across two rooms I saw you run The caregiver missed that, always on her phone. Shouldn't you have talked to her, or dropped her cell on a stone? I bowed my head, my chest felt hollow "I should have pursued that, but I didn't follow "I didn’t think it through, I'm not the brightest bulb, I rarely have a clue" "Son, it took all my strength to communicate I could drink only if I sat up straight But I was flat, I cried, felt I could suffocate You caught Miss-no-trail near the end, but I was near Heaven's gate. Dad didn't wait for a reply, as he asked, "One more question, son— On the day I died, you didn’t cry one tear Why not a single one?" "I couldn’t," I said, "I felt so numb, I felt dry and hollow inside. I stood there to the beat of a silent drum Any emotions stunted, only later I cried. Dad sat back "son, I'm glad you told me this" I feel that you have put a bridge on an abyss. Then he turned away, I felt something wasn't right It was all a dream; I was on my bed in the night. Reality hit like a clap of thunder There had been no conversation, and Dad was six feet under. I felt the horror creeping through me like a spreading stain There was no light in the tunnel, in the desert there was no rain I went out and stretched arms to the skies, but it was in vain I could not reverse time, I couldn't heal the pain.