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I met my father in the afterlife,  
He looked stern, and his words cut like a knife
He said, "I have questions about my last days on earth 
They were hard, so hard questions have their worth."

"When I lay in that hospital bed day after day,  
And asked you to help me stand,  
Why did you shake your head and say,  
'I must withhold my helping hand?'"

I tried to explain, though I felt a pall  
"The nurse told me it was a risky thing to do 
I had asked if I could walk you through the hall
I didn't realize even lifting up would have brought relief to you.

"So who was that caregiver you hired who had no paper trail?"
I said, "She came up by train; she said her papers were stolen on the rail"
"But son, she asked if you believed in God as I lay there like a wraith 
Why, my son, did you deny you did, when you knew my strength of faith?"

"I can explain that too, Dad,  
I didn’t want to play her game.  
I thought false piety is fake and sad 
If God exists, it would cheapen his name.

Dad put a hand on my shoulder, then he said
"When I asked, 'What’s wrong with me?'  
The truth was to every bone cancer had spread 
I could have used some honesty."

"Dad, I thought to lie was kind
A snap judgement, in my muddled mind.
I thought such  dispair is kinder to hide,   
So I kept the truth frozen inside."

"Son, when you wheeled me out for fresh air
I was thinking of chemo, I figured you care
I said, 'Let’s go,' but you asked "where and why"" 
Then you heard me say sadly "I have to die"

I stammered "They said your body wouldn't take the strain  
Dad looked at me with doubtful eyes, and then he asked again:
"One time I whispered: 'I’m hungry, son,'  
You heard; across two rooms I saw you run
The caregiver missed that, always on her phone.  
Shouldn't you have talked to her, or dropped her cell on a stone?

I bowed my head, my chest felt hollow
"I should have pursued that, but I didn't follow
"I didn’t think it through,  
I'm not the brightest bulb, I rarely have a clue"

"Son, it took all my strength to communicate
I could drink only if I sat up straight
But I was flat, I cried, felt I could suffocate
You caught Miss-no-trail near the end, but I was near Heaven's gate.

Dad didn't wait for a reply, as he asked,  
"One more question, son—  
On the day I died, you didn’t cry one tear  
Why not a single one?"

"I couldn’t," I said, "I felt so numb,  
I felt dry and hollow inside.  
I stood there to the beat of a silent drum
Any emotions stunted, only later I cried.

Dad sat back "son, I'm glad you told me this"
I feel that you have put a bridge on an abyss. 
Then he turned away, I felt something wasn't right
It was all a dream; I was on my bed in the night.
Reality hit like a clap of thunder
There had been no conversation, and Dad was six feet under.
I felt the horror creeping through me like a spreading stain
There was no light in the tunnel, in the desert there was no rain
I went out and stretched arms to the skies, but it was in vain
I could not reverse time, I couldn't heal the pain.
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