The Reluctant Pervert

Yes, it's me, and I fess up, A weird and humourous thing Could take the Golden Pervert Cup!! And it is true, I assure you, And it's not a thing I wanted to do.... A week or so ago, I came home from a shopping trip, Arms fully loaded, I was moving at a snail's clip, Got to my trailer door, Attempting to enter, And nothing, nothing more.... Well, I wore jogging pants, I guess the tie string, Wanted me to dance.... 'Cause standing on the deck, Wouldn't you know it, oh heck (Not you, John!) My loose pants decided to reinforce Isaac Newton's law.... And therefore, my neighbor's saw.... Ol' gravity remove my dignity, And drop my pants below my knee... Luckily I had on shorts, So an ever so slight decency was displayed, Though those viewing, when the news of this, they relayed... Would fall upon the side, Like those errant pants that bared my hide... I rushed indoors, tripping over ankles wrapped in upcoming metaphors... I hid inside for three long days, In expectation of police forays... Butt none ever came, This sure did,for me, amaze In fact, all seemed the same.... Now I wear at least 3 pairs Of sturdy suspenders, To avoid any more gravilty pants surrenders..... And I only go out in the pitch dark... Careful to avoid being the mark.. Of white trailer trash pervert... Oh, but the memory still does hurt.