The Rebound

Will I ever be enough? You see sometimes it feels like it’s just you and me. I turn around ready to flee the scene, so we can have the alone time I’ve seen plague my dreams. But we were never really alone were we? What I had failed to see was that she was always on your mind. I was never the priority. You tell me time and time again that “It was just a mistake” or “She’s nothing more than a friend” but you’re lying. She’s been in your bed. While I was stuck at the front door, banging my head in dread because your mom thinks we’re friends. But I failed to see the red. It’s really not your fault at all. I told myself these fantasies because I wanted you to call. But your phone always goes to voicemail instantly. I failed to see the twisted hypocrisy. I had to give up my friends for your fragile masculinity. But you never really forgot her scent and she is all you see in me. I’m your rebound. The drug to make you forget the sound of her voice. I drowned myself, it was all my choice. But I still had hope. Hope that maybe one day I could be the one in your dreams. You would see me for me and we would live happily. But that was merely a dream that I made up to convince myself to fight through the pain. All I was to you was a game. You were always so good at those. I could never beat you at Monopoly, Yahtzee, or Dominos. But every time we played, in me you would see her. I was never going to win and knew before we started. But, I played anyway because I was sick of being discarded. You kept me around simply because I was like just like her, my feelings disregarded. But again it’s my fault. I knew what you wanted. I was never going to be her, which made me feel gutted, but I stayed. I played your game and all I’m left with is the pain. She came back for you. You wiped me off like some piece of disgusting gum on your shoe. But still. Still, somehow I am hoping for a chance to be with you. Somehow I am no longer mad. I’m not even sad. The emotion I feel the most is numb. And the feeling won’t subside until my final days have begun, so here is to my only choice left, to run.