Jan Allison Poet Couplet

The Perfect Girl

You asked me if I knew ‘the perfect girl for me’
I think I’d be ideal but sorry I’m not free

I’ve got a lovely friend she is Mary from the dairy
On second thoughts no as her legs are much too hairy

Of course there is Annie she’s got the most enormous fanny
It would look better on an elephant the resemblance is uncanny

Oh I forgot about Susie she’s got quite a dark moustache
When you went to kiss her you’d get a stubble rash

I’ve got a stunning Thai friend but he is a lady boy
Beautiful on the outside but in bed you’d get no joy

Then there is Melissa she got the biggest boobs
She gets them out for fun you can see her on You Tube

I wouldn’t introduce you to my mate Regina
She’s had 8 children she’s got a very slack vagina

Poor old Ellie has got the most humongus lips
They’d look better on a trout she’s not one you’d want to kiss

I guess the perfect girl simply does not exist
So sorry to disappoint you please cross me off your list

Jan Allison
10th September 2014

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Lynn Marie August 28, 2016 at 2:10 PM Your humour is just 'golden'in this very funny couplet :-) The prowness of your talent really shines through...this is wickedly clever in the most respectful and good fun way :-) blessings, lynn Jan Allison August 28, 2016 at 2:12 PM Oh gosh Lynn I'd forgotten all about this one - made me LOL reading it again:-) hugs Jan xx

Juli- Michelle September 11, 2014 at 10:23 AM Haha you kept me smiling throughout the whole poem! Such wonderful words, expressed with equally wonderful humor. Love, -Juli-Michelle Jan Allison September 11, 2014 at 11:59 AM Thank you so much for the lovely comment Juli-Michelle i do try and write with humour as much as possible:-) Hugs Jan xx

Sara Kendrick September 11, 2014 at 8:36 AM Got a chuckle..We all have beauty flaws when we are young and when we get older and older well............need I say more..Thanks for stopping by..Sara Jan Allison September 11, 2014 at 9:15 AM glad you enjoyed it Sara:-) hugs Jan x

Tim Smith September 11, 2014 at 4:25 AM Sneaking another peek....hugs Tim Jan Allison September 11, 2014 at 6:25 AM Always a pleasure to see your handsome face Tim:-) hugs Jan x

Nette Onclaud September 11, 2014 at 2:01 AM giggling here like crazy, jan.. your humor knocks me down.. i'm glad my name isn't here, lol.... much delighted!.. huggs Jan Allison September 11, 2014 at 3:33 AM I would never write and deliberately offend Nette so I chose my names carefully - unfortunately only Regina rhymed with vagina ... but it is my fave line in the poem and Regina does have a brilliant sense of humour - phew:-) hugs Jan xx

Regina Mcintosh September 11, 2014 at 12:15 AM I love this Jan... it's hilarious... God bless you with Love and prayers ~ Gina Jan Allison September 11, 2014 at 3:28 AM I'm so pleased you read it and enjoyed it - Regina sorry your name was used but it was pure co-incidence. That line is my favourite on in the poem LOL. I used to work with a Regina she called herself Reggie:-) Hugs Jan xx

Andrea Dietrich September 10, 2014 at 11:53 PM this is very funny, Jan. You sure are good at this kind of poetry. I hope people with those names are not reading this poem, especially poor Regina named people! hahaha Andrea Dietrich September 11, 2014 at 9:06 AM hahaha. How does someone mistake a name for vagina? Glad to see Regina has a sense of humor. Jan Allison September 11, 2014 at 3:25 AM I was dreading Regina reading it as hers was the only name in it - she has a great sense of humour thankfully :-)am so pleased you enjoyed my silly write Andrea, hugs Jan xx Regina Mcintosh September 11, 2014 at 12:17 AM I read it... and I have a hilarious story of my own about this rhyme... A old gentlemen of about 80 or so misunderstood my name once and thought I was named Vagina... so he yelled that name across the yard for me... it was hilarious :)

Brenda Meier-Hans September 10, 2014 at 11:08 PM I just laughed so hard. Jan you kill me. Wonderful. Jan Allison September 11, 2014 at 3:12 AM I had a feeling you would enjoy it Brenda I am so glad you read it :-) Hugs Jan xxx

Casarah Nance September 10, 2014 at 9:16 PM This is terrific ! I love it. 7 and fav sweetie, hugs ;) Jan Allison September 11, 2014 at 3:08 AM Aww thanks Casarah:-) Hugs Jan xxx

John Lawless September 10, 2014 at 7:28 PM OH MY GOD.....THIS CREW WOULD MAKE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE ENVIOUS. Jan Allison September 10, 2014 at 7:30 PM LOL John now that made me laugh! Hugs Jan xxx

Vera Duggan September 10, 2014 at 7:23 PM Jan you are so hilarious, that is one hell of a poem, you do crack me up as Dave said it is book worthy, if you put all your funny poems in one book then we would spend all day laughing Wow. take care my dear.............Vera............ Jan Allison September 10, 2014 at 7:27 PM You are too kind Vera its just the ramblings of a bird brain LOL - doubt anyone called Regina will ever speak to me again:-( Hugs Jan xxx

Maurice Yvonne September 10, 2014 at 3:33 PM actually Jan I feel a little offended I am presently dating all of those wonderful ladies. Maurice Yvonne September 10, 2014 at 3:53 PM HaHaHaHa!!!! Jan Allison September 10, 2014 at 3:43 PM they don't call her loose lips for nothing Tim ;-) hugs Jan xx Maurice Yvonne September 10, 2014 at 3:39 PM honey...I...was joking. Tim Smith September 10, 2014 at 3:38 PM Isn't Regina fun? Jan Allison September 10, 2014 at 3:37 PM WHAT Maurice! - you mean you are are seven timing me and there Iwas keeping you in the fridge to cool your ardour - pah you are ditched! no hugs no kisses :-( JAN

M. L. Kiser September 10, 2014 at 2:00 PM Well, that one cracked me up a bit! Yes, perfection is elusive. Jan Allison September 10, 2014 at 2:42 PM It is M L ... glad my fun poem made you laugh:-) Hugs Jan xx

Anne-Lise Andresen September 10, 2014 at 1:35 PM - Fun to read, Jan :)) - I agree with you ..... one will hardly find "the perfect girl" - oxox // Anne-Lise :) Jan Allison September 10, 2014 at 2:41 PM Thanks for dropping by I am glad you enjoyed my fun poem:-) Hugs Jan x

Tim Smith September 10, 2014 at 1:31 PM Haha....Love it Jan....I know of two but each has a major flaw....hugs Tim Jan Allison September 10, 2014 at 4:03 PM Maurice You're too busy with the 7 ladies about I'll stick with Tim :-) Maurice Yvonne September 10, 2014 at 3:54 PM Stan...Stan is that you? Maurice Yvonne September 10, 2014 at 3:20 PM yeah Tim they both have husbands or we could all go on a lovely vacation. Jan Allison September 10, 2014 at 2:40 PM Yes but only because you know in my former life I was Stan :-) Hugs Jan xx

Gary Bateman September 10, 2014 at 1:26 PM Jan . . . The various girls + the Thai Lady Boy don't fit the image of "The Perfect Girl" for me. I'll play it safe: The Perfect Girl is, of course, "My Wife." I guess Maurice is out of luck too!! A very funny write!! And 7 out of 7 too!! Cheers, Gary Jan Allison September 10, 2014 at 2:39 PM I guess she simply doesn't exist Gary (apart from your wife of course) its simply a fun write:-) hugs Jan x

Maurice Yvonne September 10, 2014 at 1:19 PM i ask one simple question and this is what i get.Very funny very well written. a Jan to read i mean joy. 7 out of 7 so that is only one of a perfect score. Jan Allison September 10, 2014 at 1:30 PM Shh Maurice you shouldn't be out of the fridge yet you are toooo hot to handle:-) Hugs Jan xxx

Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty September 10, 2014 at 1:18 PM O very very funny.....yes a perfect girl simply does not exist if you look in that way. Otherwise all are perfect. Bless Jan. Jan Allison September 10, 2014 at 1:25 PM Thanks Rajat - its purely a humourous write am glad you enjoyed it:-) Hugs Jan xxx