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The Perfect Girl

You asked me if I knew ‘the perfect girl for me’ I think I’d be ideal but sorry I’m not free I’ve got a lovely friend she is Mary from the dairy On second thoughts no as her legs are much too hairy Of course there is Annie she’s got the most enormous fanny It would look better on an elephant the resemblance is uncanny Oh I forgot about Susie she’s got quite a dark moustache When you went to kiss her you’d get a stubble rash I’ve got a stunning Thai friend but he is a lady boy Beautiful on the outside but in bed you’d get no joy Then there is Melissa she got the biggest boobs She gets them out for fun you can see her on You Tube I wouldn’t introduce you to my mate Regina She’s had 8 children she’s got a very slack vagina Poor old Ellie has got the most humongus lips They’d look better on a trout she’s not one you’d want to kiss I guess the perfect girl simply does not exist So sorry to disappoint you please cross me off your list Jan Allison 10th September 2014

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Lynn Marie

Date: 8/28/2016 2:10:00 PM

Your humour is just 'golden'in this very funny couplet :-) The prowness of your talent really shines through...this is wickedly clever in the most respectful and good fun way :-) blessings, lynn

Jan Allison
Date: 8/28/2016 2:12:00 PM

Oh gosh Lynn I'd forgotten all about this one - made me LOL reading it again:-) hugs Jan xx

Juli- Michelle

Date: 9/11/2014 10:23:00 AM

Haha you kept me smiling throughout the whole poem! Such wonderful words, expressed with equally wonderful humor. Love, -Juli-Michelle

Jan Allison
Date: 9/11/2014 11:59:00 AM

Thank you so much for the lovely comment Juli-Michelle i do try and write with humour as much as possible:-) Hugs Jan xx

Sara Kendrick

Date: 9/11/2014 8:36:00 AM

Got a chuckle..We all have beauty flaws when we are young and when we get older and older well............need I say more..Thanks for stopping by..Sara

Jan Allison
Date: 9/11/2014 9:15:00 AM

glad you enjoyed it Sara:-) hugs Jan x

Tim Smith

Date: 9/11/2014 4:25:00 AM

Sneaking another peek....hugs Tim

Jan Allison
Date: 9/11/2014 6:25:00 AM

Always a pleasure to see your handsome face Tim:-) hugs Jan x

Nette Onclaud

Date: 9/11/2014 2:01:00 AM

giggling here like crazy, jan.. your humor knocks me down.. i'm glad my name isn't here, lol.... much delighted!.. huggs

Jan Allison
Date: 9/11/2014 3:33:00 AM

I would never write and deliberately offend Nette so I chose my names carefully - unfortunately only Regina rhymed with vagina ... but it is my fave line in the poem and Regina does have a brilliant sense of humour - phew:-) hugs Jan xx

Regina Mcintosh

Date: 9/11/2014 12:15:00 AM

I love this Jan... it's hilarious... God bless you with Love and prayers ~ Gina

Jan Allison
Date: 9/11/2014 3:28:00 AM

I'm so pleased you read it and enjoyed it - Regina sorry your name was used but it was pure co-incidence. That line is my favourite on in the poem LOL. I used to work with a Regina she called herself Reggie:-) Hugs Jan xx

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 9/10/2014 11:53:00 PM

this is very funny, Jan. You sure are good at this kind of poetry. I hope people with those names are not reading this poem, especially poor Regina named people! hahaha

Andrea Dietrich
Date: 9/11/2014 9:06:00 AM

hahaha. How does someone mistake a name for vagina? Glad to see Regina has a sense of humor.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/11/2014 3:25:00 AM

I was dreading Regina reading it as hers was the only name in it - she has a great sense of humour thankfully :-)am so pleased you enjoyed my silly write Andrea, hugs Jan xx

Regina Mcintosh
Date: 9/11/2014 12:17:00 AM

I read it... and I have a hilarious story of my own about this rhyme... A old gentlemen of about 80 or so misunderstood my name once and thought I was named Vagina... so he yelled that name across the yard for me... it was hilarious :)

Brenda Meier-Hans

Date: 9/10/2014 11:08:00 PM

I just laughed so hard. Jan you kill me. Wonderful.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/11/2014 3:12:00 AM

I had a feeling you would enjoy it Brenda I am so glad you read it :-) Hugs Jan xxx

Casarah Nance

Date: 9/10/2014 9:16:00 PM

This is terrific ! I love it. 7 and fav sweetie, hugs ;)

Jan Allison
Date: 9/11/2014 3:08:00 AM

Aww thanks Casarah:-) Hugs Jan xxx

John Lawless

Date: 9/10/2014 7:28:00 PM

OH MY GOD.....THIS CREW WOULD MAKE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE ENVIOUS.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/10/2014 7:30:00 PM

LOL John now that made me laugh! Hugs Jan xxx

Vera Duggan

Date: 9/10/2014 7:23:00 PM

Jan you are so hilarious, that is one hell of a poem, you do crack me up as Dave said it is book worthy, if you put all your funny poems in one book then we would spend all day laughing Wow. take care my dear.............Vera............

Jan Allison
Date: 9/10/2014 7:27:00 PM

You are too kind Vera its just the ramblings of a bird brain LOL - doubt anyone called Regina will ever speak to me again:-( Hugs Jan xxx

Maurice Yvonne

Date: 9/10/2014 3:33:00 PM

actually Jan I feel a little offended I am presently dating all of those wonderful ladies.

Maurice Yvonne
Date: 9/10/2014 3:53:00 PM

HaHaHaHa!!!!

Jan Allison
Date: 9/10/2014 3:43:00 PM

they don't call her loose lips for nothing Tim ;-) hugs Jan xx

Maurice Yvonne
Date: 9/10/2014 3:39:00 PM

honey...I...was joking.

Tim Smith
Date: 9/10/2014 3:38:00 PM

Isn't Regina fun?

Jan Allison
Date: 9/10/2014 3:37:00 PM

WHAT Maurice! - you mean you are are seven timing me and there Iwas keeping you in the fridge to cool your ardour - pah you are ditched! no hugs no kisses :-( JAN

M. L. Kiser

Date: 9/10/2014 2:00:00 PM

Well, that one cracked me up a bit! Yes, perfection is elusive.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/10/2014 2:42:00 PM

It is M L ... glad my fun poem made you laugh:-) Hugs Jan xx

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 9/10/2014 1:35:00 PM

- Fun to read, Jan :)) - I agree with you ..... one will hardly find "the perfect girl" - oxox // Anne-Lise :)

Jan Allison
Date: 9/10/2014 2:41:00 PM

Thanks for dropping by I am glad you enjoyed my fun poem:-) Hugs Jan x

Tim Smith

Date: 9/10/2014 1:31:00 PM

Haha....Love it Jan....I know of two but each has a major flaw....hugs Tim

Jan Allison
Date: 9/10/2014 4:03:00 PM

Maurice You're too busy with the 7 ladies about I'll stick with Tim :-)

Maurice Yvonne
Date: 9/10/2014 3:54:00 PM

Stan...Stan is that you?

Maurice Yvonne
Date: 9/10/2014 3:20:00 PM

yeah Tim they both have husbands or we could all go on a lovely vacation.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/10/2014 2:40:00 PM

Yes but only because you know in my former life I was Stan :-) Hugs Jan xx

Gary Bateman

Date: 9/10/2014 1:26:00 PM

Jan . . . The various girls + the Thai Lady Boy don't fit the image of "The Perfect Girl" for me. I'll play it safe: The Perfect Girl is, of course, "My Wife." I guess Maurice is out of luck too!! A very funny write!! And 7 out of 7 too!! Cheers, Gary

Jan Allison
Date: 9/10/2014 2:39:00 PM

I guess she simply doesn't exist Gary (apart from your wife of course) its simply a fun write:-) hugs Jan x

Maurice Yvonne

Date: 9/10/2014 1:19:00 PM

i ask one simple question and this is what i get.Very funny very well written. a Jan to read i mean joy. 7 out of 7 so that is only one of a perfect score.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/10/2014 1:30:00 PM

Shh Maurice you shouldn't be out of the fridge yet you are toooo hot to handle:-) Hugs Jan xxx

Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty

Date: 9/10/2014 1:18:00 PM

O very very funny.....yes a perfect girl simply does not exist if you look in that way. Otherwise all are perfect. Bless Jan.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/10/2014 1:25:00 PM

Thanks Rajat - its purely a humourous write am glad you enjoyed it:-) Hugs Jan xxx