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The Past Let Go

Could I ever really say
  what was in her mind and heart that day?
I was eighteen needing to know
  who she was and what she was like
and more - 
  to ask her why.
To give up a child of only four,
 a sister and a brother and one more never discovered.
Not sure who was more nervous
 me or her and her latest husband opening the door.
Nervous, unsteady and chain smoking
 she sat at the kitchen table in a small kitchen.
He whispered in my ear and softly asked
 be kind, she has had a very hard time.
So many questions raised, unsure just what to ask
 how her and my father went their separate ways.
She was angry at first, filled with memory and hurt
 and as a young teenage mother made that decision to part.
Looking like the pictured girl I'd long imagined
 she not once, dare look into my eyes.
Perhaps for fear that she might cry or reveal other secrets
 as she spoke disparaging of my grandmother.
Said she was hard, cold and far too demanding,
 and that was how I gained a home.
Siblings were adopted and my mother vowed
 my father's side would never adopt any but
she gave in to gram's persistent nagging and let me go
 as I was tall and gangly, unadopted at four years old.
Two younger teenage daughters came in the house,
 and she briefly introduced me - as a friend of the family.
They were unawares, I cringed a moment, then bit my tongue,
 held silent but grateful to where I had gone to be raised.
No more questions anymore
 she barely smiled at our uncomfortable goodbye.
She was the mother of my heart, my body
 but never of my mind and soul,
that place will ever be reserved
 for my grandmother alone.



Long Lost Family contest 8/14/2016

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