The Only One

you leave you come back 16 years or more of this you are a player at least in your mind you don't consider the impact of what you say or do at least that is how i perceive it you know how you hate that word "what does perceive mean?" you say feigning ignorance can you really suffer..?? not that i would want you to suffer; not.....a someone that i love i don't want you to suffer...i just wonder if you really can i can feel you pull away....my God how many times in my life will i have to feel that i think in we ....and you think in me you say when i get over the fact that you do visit "friends", FOR ME TO CALL YOU. you say it would not bother you if i did those things also... this is not a person that really loves his woman this is the actions of a man that is happy to sacrificing a relationship for what you are wanting now...right now. for the inital excitement of a "new toss" i know what it is ... and it is what it is.... you want a girl with no experience no one to say "you are busted" baby then there you are back to me again.... comfortable , you say always introducing me as a friend my place in your life can be explained away if you see another you want to talk, flirt, wine , and dine you can fix that right away..... i always find out. most of the times you tell me your self whether body language, tone of voice...irritation you know the drill facial expression of irritation i hate it when you talk about taking care of me....you think i don't hear the things you say i don't feel sorry for me...i am the one that lets and helps you do this. i try to make you up and talk you up in my mind i like to make you more than you are. you are the BIG LIE at the very least i have learned that you would not give up much of anything for me you laugh at me when i tell you (about 1 time a year) when i cannot keep the anger any longer and the more that you laugh and tell me how messed up i am ...... the more we both know that that is not so you use my illness against me so, my darling here it is you are a con but i always know what i have there is no longer forgiveness to be had here and i feel so lost because everything is about the our very existance in this world today our boys and girls are being killed so we may live. as for now... all you can say for me is that i can always make you laugh am i making you laugh now?