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Subject
Personal Note:
Poem Title:
Poem
you leave

you come back
16 years or more
of this

you are a player
at least in your
mind

you don't consider
the impact of what
you say or do

at least that is how
i perceive it

you know how you
hate that word

"what does perceive
mean?" you say
feigning ignorance

can you really suffer..??
not that i would want you
to  suffer; not.....a someone
that i love

i don't want you to
suffer...i just wonder
if you really can

i can feel you pull 
away....my God
how many times
in my life will i have
to feel that

i think in we ....and
you think in me

you say when i 
get over the fact
that you do 
visit "friends",
FOR ME TO CALL
YOU.

you say it would not
bother you if i did those
things also...

this is not a person
that really loves his
woman

this is the actions
of a man that is happy 
to sacrificing a relationship
for what you are wanting
now...right now.
for the inital excitement
of a "new toss"

i know what it is
...
and it is what it is....

you want a girl 
with no experience
no one to say
"you are busted" baby


then there you are
back to me 
again....

comfortable , you say
always introducing
me as a friend

my place in
your life can be
explained away 

if you see another
you want to talk, 
flirt, wine ,
and dine
you can fix that 
right away.....

i always find out.

most of the times
you tell me your
self whether body
language, tone of 
voice...irritation
you know the drill

facial expression 
of irritation

i hate it when you
talk about taking care of 
me....you think i don't
hear the things you 
say

i don't feel sorry for
me...i am the one
that lets and helps
you do this.

i try to make
you up and talk
you up in my mind
i like to make you more
than you are.  you are 
the BIG LIE

at the very least
i have learned that
you would not 
give up much of
anything for 
me 

you laugh at me
when i tell you
(about 1 time a year)
when i cannot keep 
the anger
any longer

and the more that
you laugh and tell
me how messed up
i am ...... the more
we both know that
that is not so

you use my illness
against me

so, my darling
here it is
you are a con
but i always know
what i have

there is no longer
forgiveness to
be had here and i 
feel so lost because
everything is about the
our very existance
in this world today

our boys and girls
are being killed so
we may live.

as for now... all you
can say for me is
that i can always 
make you laugh

am i making you
laugh now?
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