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The Night Time Stood Still

As the sun began to set, cursed words smeared the screen
A familiar face vanished everywhere I once loathed to see it
It was a heady rush I never dreamed of experiencing
The taste of iron on my tongue sent my head spinning

Thus began the longest night
From mid-November til late December
I cannot remember the moments where the sun lit the sky
Just the quiet nights alone in my apartment

Crafting the finales that would lead me to victory scholastically
Huddled under the Lecture Hall in the center of campus while snow fell
Typing out promises to viewers and singing to myself
Songs of victory and solitude, whether good or bad

A dream I had for a decade finally rested in my palms
Perhaps the most disappointing moment I can recall
But I let the myriad hours slip away
As the night went on and so did I

I came face to face with a concept I'd fetishized for a third of my life
Spilling every revelation I had onto twenty sheets of paper for a grade
Coming up with new ones as I wrote and couldn't stop writing
All for a man who could read it, but would never choose to understand

I told that man and every other classmate about my dream of night and snow
Hands outstretched, snowflakes encasing them as I reached to a streetlight
As the happiest moment I could ever recall
And that much is true, it was a turning point I'd never forget

And yet this month of eternal night rings equally as strongly
A faceless man once told me
"December is the coldest and darkest month of the year."
And that much was true, as I let who I was die in a snowstorm

My mental paradigms rapidly shifted immediately after the semester ended
It was solely that month that I hold so near and dear to my heart
Riding high on conflicting emotion, of being freed from an abusive relationship
And being completely alone for the first time in half a decade

I shed my past crutches and chains and shakily stepped forward
2016 was a year that hurt so much, yet I'll always treasure beyond compare
The lessons learned in that Year of Survival will haunt me forever
And yet they have blessed me with so much more

And that silent night that time stood still
That single month where I was no longer afraid to move forward
Will forever hold its grip on my heart
As the Dream of Night and Snow once did
As the Memories of Golden Twilight still do
As the latest major plot point in the book that is my existence.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2018




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