Get Your Premium Membership

The New Puritans, Part I

I was playing near a college town,
people pay money to hear my jokes,
when back-clad fools charged upon stage,
at first I thought it was a hoax.
Then they said my jokes about dating
were ‘Patriarchal Misogyny,’
everyone’s good time was ruined
by those god damned NPCs.

A few days later, when online,
I posted about a new book
written by my favorite author,
figured that it was worth a look.
But outrage mobs went barking mad
over his fun in younger days,
what that had to do with his ideas
they did not bother to say.

The next week an actor friend of mine
told me he’d gone out with this girl,
she’d taken him home and the sex
had rocked his entire world.
But my friend had just broken big,
and feminists convinced his date
that she could ‘win one for the team,’
so she accused him of rape!

When he showed the texts she sent before,
some claim that he ‘hated women,’
as if being good means sitting back
and just watching your career end.
None care about his innocence,
the media still pimped her tale,
even if he were no rapist
he was guilty of being male.

Tired of all this crazed nonsense
I searched for my favorite pod-cast,
didn’t always agree with the host,
but his interviews were a blast.
Yet the website had booted him,
they weren’t fond of non-leftist thought,
to be popular with ‘outside’ views
broke their Truth Council's latest laws.

Then came my dear cousin’s wedding,
which my activist sister deplored,
she growled,”Marriage is such a lie,
they will know nothing but divorce.
It’s always rape when with a woman
a sex-hungry man does lay,
some day she’ll realize her mistake,
hopefully it will not be too late.”

Realizing why we didn’t talk,
I gratefully caught a jet home,
and saw they were building something
in the big lot next to my own.
It was a hideous, iron blob,
and when I pointed this fact out,
the architect screamed,”Philistine!”
then proceeded to holler and pout...


Copyright © | Year Posted 2019

Post Comments
Please Login to post a comment

A comment has not been posted for this poem. Encourage a poet by being the first to comment.