The New and Improved Santa

It's now two thousand sixty-five. You’ll hardly recognize old Santa Claus. He's been revamped from boot tips to his eyes. Mrs. Santa hired a trainer. Man, he worked the fat man hard. His gut’s now gone. There’s muscle where he once had gobs of lard. His suits made by the elves were way too big, and long ago, they left for better jobs. Now no one’s hearing “HO ho ho”! Next, Santa had to lose the pipe. We've long known smoking's bad. The kids must not see one more puff. This change made Santa mad. The last straw—Santa went to jail for animal abuse. He lost his reindeer; now his sleigh no longer is in use. How will you recognize him now? Look for a hot, buff guy who works at Wal-Mart Super Store. This sight might make you cry. He wears a patch on his right arm, since he still craves the pipe. He still works out four times a week just so the wife won't gripe. Tobacco in his pipe, a four-meat pizza on his plate~~ of these he dreams! A workout and a spinach shake await.