The Missing Ingredient

Oh God, you must know what I’m missing out on Though at times I am not really sure, If it’s possibly not inconvenient “in Truth” Might You help me discover the cure? My loneliness never does leave me alone, Though I swear I’ve been lonelier still, When I lay in the arms of the girl of my dreams, Like a rain beaten lost daffodil. Too many romances end up at arm’s length, Some like pushing a boulder exhaust, And I’m feeling like Sisyphus under a curse, Makes me wonder if LIFE’s worth the cost? And certainly women must feel the same way Hard to intuit I’m that unique. Doesn’t make sense to try to blame lack of success, Or a genetic lack of physique! Somehow it is clear there are women and men Who have found love, who seem to have won, Though I find myself sitting at home every night, It appears that they’re out having fun! I’ve heard that it’s really the luck of the draw But today I am doubting that’s true It is one thing if Love doesn’t show up at all Quite another if loser is you. So where is that beauty that God meant for me I can tell you she’s taking her time And her dark machinations are taking their toll Winning hearts is much tougher than rhyme. But what truly scares me? The thought that she’s scared! Tell me where can the answer be found! If it isn’t an answer, inside we’re the same, So perhaps we have some common ground.  And maybe it’s not just the women to blame When my love life begins going South For I know there’ve been times when tire iron was required To extract my foot out of my mouth. And yes I’ve been fearful of love in the past And yes certainly times I’ve had cause. Truly times that I felt I was clearly to blame Still there’s something inside me that gnaws. It’s like I am lacking in courage somehow, Once more steely nerves now spongy rust. I’m beginning to think there’s no shortage of love What there is is a shortage of “trust.” If I am reluctant to trust a new friend Does that really reflect back on me. Does it even make sense I trust cute women less Expectations already not free? I swear that I’m feeling disgust for myself! Expectations just get in my way Shouldn’t new romance mojo make no new demands? Always serious, no time to play? To “fall in love” must you give all of yourself? Or can heart really only be shared! To demand someone love you with ALL of their heart Is a trap, any fool would be scared. Such love means you’re setting yourself up to fail, Though a pledge to be faithful is fine, But my mind must be free to love just what it will If you want to be my Valentine. “Forever in love’s” meant to set minds at ease But instead it brings wolf to the door, And the people who heed it are no longer rich Overnight they become sadly poor.  For “feeling in love” must be free to be real Love’s a gift that must daily be sown And the strange paradoxical part of it is That love's flower is never full grown! Brian Johnston October 25, 2015