The mask

I'm sitting here with lots to say But silence most likely is the best way Thoughts so dark, even im scared A problem halved, but no problem shared Lots of talk of darkness and light A history thats filled with spite Lighting and thunder is all its been Feeling iv lived my life in sin I've made mistakes, some I regret Lies i told id rather forget I'm older now and much wiser For all she's done, I still can't despise her Disassociated, trying to fight it Darknesss can't win, I can't submit Losing track of days and nights The fire within me i need to ignite Sleep is now a thing of the past Nights so long, days so fast I don't know how much longer this will last Iv always been a lover not a fighter Iv had better days my life has been brighter Fiercely loyal, a push over though Nobody knows I feel this low I hide it well behind a smile Showing the truth to the world is not my style But maybe I need to let someone know This mask i wear is all for show You see its easier to smile and hide Then it is to admit your whole life was a lie I wish she kept saying he was dead The truth hurt more, the lie lives in my head I don't know if I'm coming or going Racked with fear of what is coming I think I just need to sleep My body aching, becoming weak The mask i wear is slowly fading The past in my head recreating Maybe tonight will be the night That I'll be stronger and ill win the fight Good vs evil, lie verses truth My inner child i need to soothe I cant forgive, I won't forget I also can't keep being this upset My mask has faded, it is no more This is me now, but I wish you had known me before Full of love and full of life Maybe ill be her again in time But until then, this is me My heart on my sleeve, no protection, I'm free No mask in sight, feelings laid bare Living my life on a whim and a prayer A problem halved, but no problem shared I realise now she never cared And though that hurts and breaks my heart My life is mine, this is my restart The mask is gone, this is me Iv laid it out for the world to see The battle is always darkness vs light Iv let you know I hate who you see You now know what its like to be me....