The Malcontent

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Meter - Trochaic Tetrameter / Cateletic

Rhyme - A-B / A-B

Fate rewarded some who came, Daily problems quickly solved. Wisdom thrived in their domain, Joyful as their lives evolved. You distorted what you saw, Public minutes, private years. Never witness to the flaws, Hidden turmoil, muted tears. Eyes, reflecting wrong side up, Squint through nickelodeans. Brilliant microscopic dust Floating through what might have been. All delusions bring the same, Different versions of yourself. Time can't alter what remains, Single bookend, empty shelf. Gene Bourne. 08-23-14 .

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Gary Bateman

Date: 8/31/2014 2:19:00 PM

Hello Gene . . . Truly a brilliant job here!! I really like your poem. Your use of the Trochaic meter in building out the theme is exquisite. I plan to start doing some metered works again. It certainly helps for all of us to experiment around and try different things, which is why we are all poets. Variety helps to keep us from becoming stale with our work. By the way, congratulations on becoming a Lifetime Premium Member!! Cheers, Gary

Gary Bateman
Date: 9/1/2014 2:47:00 PM

Gene . . . Thanks for your note back. Although I'm not so musically inclined (but I do love especially excellent classical music being here in Europe), my link to poetry is probably my linguistic talent in several foreign languages. It's really interesting how each of us link to the poetry muse . . . just like "Math to an Engineer." I will stay in touch as ideas continue to flow. Cheer, Gary

Gene Bourne
Date: 8/31/2014 5:52:00 PM

Thanks, Gary for your critique. I agree with you about branching out and experimenting. I was one of "those kids" who started piano on my own at 4 yrs old. It's the old story...but didn't seem like a big deal to me...but the result was a meterized brain. When it comes to meter, music and poetry interweave yet keep their distance. Thanks a for your inspiring comments...Your Friend...Gene.

Thomas Carney

Date: 8/26/2014 9:26:00 AM

Brilliant arrangement in prosody Gene Bourne. I loved this. You encourage me to try this, as I find it difficult to move past iambic meter. You nailed the meter and the storyline progressed one stave to the next with troubling observations of the Malcontened One, who seemed like he came from another web site....'the reporter.' Very good effort. Congrats on Lifetime Premium member of PS. Thomas

Gene Bourne
Date: 8/27/2014 3:36:00 AM

Friend Thomas, I feel you're gifted in character / plot-line devlopment. Your work in meter is certainly bearing frurit Meter is discarding that word that doen't fit (or line, or stanza). As long as you consistently follow the template of your first line. Your comments are very much apprecated. YF, Gene

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 8/25/2014 7:52:00 AM

the image of the single bookend and empty shelf is a very good one for a malcontent. Great symbolism, Gene.

Gene Bourne
Date: 8/25/2014 4:43:00 PM

Dear Andrea...Thanks for appreciating that all important last line, which I was depending on to sum-up the poem's finale suitably. I do thank you for your comments....your friend....Gene

Christine Costello

Date: 8/24/2014 6:42:00 PM

,,,floating through your might have beens--i love this line and the topic and flow of the poem. It was a joy to read and re-read and once more. This is a fav poem of mine. :-) Christine

Gene Bourne
Date: 8/24/2014 7:18:00 PM

Hi, Christine...can't tell you how much I apprecate your comments. Like a "Cloud-Burst", I guess you could call this poem a "Brain-Burst". I was composing an email....and the poem just kind of took over. I wish that would happen more often. Again...Thanks....your friend....Gene

Frederic Parker

Date: 8/24/2014 6:01:00 PM

I've known a few people who lived with delusion and you can never reason with them, their creation becomes reality and all else to them seems like lies..nice tight flow with this poem Gene

Gene Bourne
Date: 8/24/2014 7:30:00 PM

You're only wasting your breath if you try. I think we both saw a lot of that, Fred...the destructive kind. Always good to hear from you, as I highly value your critiques. I hope all is well with you and family.....Your friend and fan....Gene