The Making of a Teenage Tragedy

I live, letting life’s events blow along with the wind; inhaling the scented, crisp breeze. I seldom sit down and question my purpose, instead I flow from the water which I arose from. Though the water, once cool and clear, has turned salty and bitter, which leaves me to investigate. Countless searching presents my ultimatum; my incorrigible self is poisoning the same mother my rising was brought upon. I’m the problem. A blunder. A mistake. A teenage tragedy. … One hundred thirty-three sextillion particles amongst our Earth; yet it was mine who was chosen to burden them. The countless hours pondering whether I was the suffering which created happiness, if I was the evil in all desirable shaped me. So how was I created? The most important aspects of a person are their beliefs, personality, body, and experiences. In this case, I must be a sick joke. … Beliefs. I don’t believe in God or spirits, yet I curse the universe for bearing me with memory. Within my soul I know change cannot be prevented, so I turn to my senses, prospering through indignation. It haunts my every action until there is nothing left to blame- that the truth is inevitable through this sick, horrid game. … Personality. Supporting others in their decisions and leading others truly resonates with me. Though I feel as a fraction of others rather than my own being, and it shows; the constant prioritization I gain over others has led to nothing but the wreckage of my self-image. It’s made me the push over and the overly nice girl I am. … Body. My waist is underweight, yet protrudes. My limbs, shredded and built, yet never made to carry the esteem I’ll forever long for. The fuzzy hair all over me, regulating my body’s temperatures, could never shield me from my cold, derogatory downfall. My early development, causing me not confidence, but unwanted “attention.” … Experiences. My being and my reality; the foundation of my screwed up self. How have I come to this? My good health morphed into an entanglement of various health issues and potential eating disorders. My once innocent soul now covers herself up, in an attempt to avoid abuse though inevitable. My penchant, now unrepressed homosexuality. My being, free and embedded within peaceful thoughts, yet pessimistic depths consume me. My being- now unacceptable. … So I watch myself burn, as my once innocent, head-heart linking self is now a teenage tragedy.