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THE LAST NEGOTIATIONS
The child that I was – Never believed in death-
Loving life so much that I cud not conceive of it.
Time – states of minds- growth-maturation
New realizations, that interfered with my own
Understanding of, life death and purpose.
Collecting bits of earth- I loved her
Wanted to hold on to whatever came from her.
Butterflies, fire flies-lady bugs and praying mantis.
Geology was my solace.
The sun kept my “pet rocks”
Warm for me –
Unlike the trees, Moon, and Stars,
I could hold on to them.
Rocks, stones, and driftwood and the like- All
Had the formation and the beauty
That drew me in as if it had a personality.
I loved them, and knew they each had a story-
Unlike living pets, I also knew my rocks would never die.
I had grown up to find that the deal I made with God.
{To never let me die}, was neither, doable, nor had the Bargain
Been sealed on the other end.
I have seen people suffer and grow old.
Therefore, I have made a new deal, asking God.
” Please do not let me grow old” with incontinence and feebleness;
Afraid while moving towards my impermanence my mind may tell me to;
Seasoning my food with cleansing powered instead of salt.
Once I never wanted to grow old- Once, I longed to stay upon on the earth forever:
With the promise of the unknown heaven as a reward, I still opted to stay.
Today I have Different eyes, think different ways.
I have made a new deal with my creator,
Which is: “Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my breath to take. I pray
My kept soul be free, my loved ones to keep,
Come gently and swiftly I speak the uttered lines.
To fit my worth- Not so eager to remain on earth anymore.
No longer is the earth my turf.
Not the version prayed for as a child.
Let me Die peacefully in my sleep.
Bury my Ashes in the Black sand,
Cover me with beautiful Stones.
Until I take root and grow something healing from my rich soot.
Greater now is my faithfulness.
For I no longer fear death.,
But fear what has become of this earth.
I want no turmoil to spoil my peaceful transition.