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The Hardships of Honesty - Neither Will I

I often surprise many people in many ways
With the words I say…with the actions I make…
It’s extraordinary how many seek high praise
With the words they say…with the actions they fake…

Neither will I…
Assume the worst in people in general
Will you hear my cry
Of a thousand cries combined? Not at all?

Frustrated by the insanity of our lives
We are bothered bees in their busy hives
If I sway away from the truth and be led astray,
I pray it won’t last long…I will live another day…

Neither will I…
Live another day with you in mind
Wingless and dry
Dampen my silhouette of glory find 

Long live knowledge from the Word of Life with love above all
I am fixated on my downfalls, completely jaded by your ignorant grace
I am glad to say all is doing well for the most part…I'm on the top roll-call 
Embrace the tribulations at hand and be brazen without a doubtful trace

Neither will I…
Embrace the abominations I have committed long ago
So low and high…
I know that I was worthless and weak, grazing to and fro

Wandering aimlessly into the night
What turned out to be darksome discouragement 
Neither will I be disheartened by dismissed courage
I long for the uprising of the light
To guide me along the way with encouragement 
I will follow your lead with debris under the bridge

I will either borrow your might or become my own Knight
However, if I am vacant and hollow like your ever-glowing victory,
I might fall into the gravity of my demise with all its might
In spite of all that, I will have faith that all will be alright frankly

And…I feel somewhat empty inside and I don’t know why strangely
Now, I am staring daydreamingly into your gaze endearingly 
I want someone to lean on, but I need more than sympathy
I am haunted by the shadows of the past and its vile iniquity 

Neither will I…will I…
Be tortured and ashamed entirely 
By your begrudging eye 
Uncanniness and unhappiness – you and me

So, concentrate on the road and never go back to where we used to be…
His Spirit of serenity is my abode that will ultimately give you sight of sincerity
I know you have roamed so far…there’s no where to flee, so save me
Your senseless words are still arrows that pierce my inner being…possibly…

Neither will I
Be pierced by your spears of shimmering shadiness
I want to die
Alive in your throne of your unchanging lack of radiance

Instead, I hesitate and sigh in irreplaceable relief
I won’t hate on you for your selfish grief 
I am immensily happy for your joys' sake alone
I will always believe in you, even if It’s not shown

Neither will I
Cease from believing in you – no trust will do –
Despite the lie
That rue, angst and guilt wage inside you too 

Relieve the sorrow from my scorching lips of fury
Oh, please don’t hurt me anymore by further injury
Your pride of past humility is making our hearts thump…in every road, there’s a bump
My appreciation of future goals and past accomplishments won’t lead me to the dump

Neither will my goals and accomplishments 
Be something similar to yours
Neither will I submit to your sly resentments 
Change are challenging chores

Run-on sentences and mindless shenanigans brew in my mind again
Thoughts and situations burn in me anger and embarrassment that embark against me
The dawn will make me move on till the dusk reminds me of where I’ve been
Tell me you care and you understand me wholeheartedly…frankly, that’s what I don’t see

I won’t be deceived by all the grays of your lies
I can’t be falling into the trap of denials and lullabies
Goodbye won’t mend my soul of saying 'hello' to happiness
Come to think of it, I am in this heap of ruins, sparked by madness 

Neither will I
Be engulfed in your indulgence of arrogance
Trust in you is a lie 
That will always cluster in our remembrance

Inspire me to sing the tune of tranquility 
At the brink of excellent, delightful ecstasy
Yes, I surprise people at every angle because I am curious and intelligent 
I will not be blind by following others' in temporary trust…It’s hope-negligent

Neither will I
Drop my weapons and shields that protect me from you that guarded me true
I believed in you, can’t deny 
Sorry, again, for misplacing our delicately desired deeds like a lonesome shoe

I am far from a genius' brilliance 
I am near some form of resilience 
Destiny is nowhere to be found when I am held down 
Let me be me for once or I will weave my smile into a frown 
You are precious as an emerald stone from the majestic, mighty mountains
I am in marvel every time you reveal to me your faithful frenzy of fervor fountains 
That, my friend or foe, is true 
But, I am not ardent like you

Neither will I
Be as ardent in authentic cheer 
I will not cry
With fear accompanied by a tear

I am here
Hear me out
My dear,
You lead me to your route
Of harmful doubt and about
I do fear…
You hardened not only one ear,

But the other keen ear…as it will appear when the end of days draw near…

I am terrified by the fact that you doubted me 
For the longest, I’ve been put down for feeling free
So, let me say this, I am sorry for your loss of prudent vitality
You do you for now on and I will hold my horses immediately

I am eager for what lies ahead
I am meandering in utter dread
Neither will I
Deny it or even try
To erase the memories 
That we held dear for years
You are a shattered tease…
Drowning me in ancient tears

Let me fall if I must make a fall
Let me stand tall if I must stand tall
Don’t strand me in the wilderness on my knees
Don’t abondon me, oh dear God, and do as you please 

Neither will He
Abondon you, you see?
Stand tall and be
The best of you selflessly

Freeze time and the distress that chimes in every now and then
I am travelling half-naked through the drylands of disdain again
Hold me gently and push me softly into the breeze of at-ease
With me, you will be growing with your beloved trees of possibilities 

Don’t sear me once more with your muffled murmurs 
Of your magma-felt misery…it deprives me of cures…
It won’t help me to endure the engulfing endeavors of yesterday
It won’t even rescue me from the waters of my wretched way 

The way I chose…
It scars me forever
It’s a poetic prose
Of a happily-ever-never
Of a miracle that won’t deliver
Of a curse that is only a blur

Neither will I 
Mention it to you 
Well, I can’t lie
Deny the lies so true

Copyright © J.W. Earnings | Year Posted 2018

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