image of my father after his debilitating stroke--from my own scrapbook
THE HARDEST GOODBYE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ hospital room filled with a sterile hush, beeping machines murmuring with their relentless lullabies. there you lay, my anchor, my compass, wrapped in sheets that felt too white, too clean for the storms we had weathered. your eyes, deep wells of wisdom, speak volumes, yet silence reigns, for you cannot speak. I hold your hands, a map of your life every callus a testament to labor, to love, to the weight of days gone by. your palms once held my dreams, now soft and still, a paradox of strength and fragility. so much I wanted to say, to pour my heart into the silent spaces, to tell you how the world is heavier now. I wanted to tell you~ the sun rose brighter in your laughter, your smile stitched the frayed edges of my soul. Your chest rose and fell, a fragile rhythm, each breath of life slipping through my fingers. I wanted to say, to scream, to weep: "I am here, I love you, please don’t leave me!" the light in your eyes flickered then faded the hardest wave goodbye, a silent crash against the shores of my soul. I pressed my lips to your forehead, the warmth fading, the world outside a blur of colors that no longer mattered. I am left with echoes clinging to my heart~ like the scent of your favorite cologne, the warmth of your spirit, fading but never gone. In dreams, you visit, a tiny beacon in a darkened room; I reach for you, but you dissolve like mist. what remains is the ache of a farewell~ a farewell that lingers like a ghost. the hardest wave goodbye.
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