The Greater the High, the Harder the Crash

So good at hiding yourself for nothing When you were singing that song you listen to, On and on Even though your eyes were closed, It looked as though you were singing to someone in particular Behind your eyelids, Lays the faded, festering image of who and what could've been Well of course I retreat, I have the relationship I want with it in my head Holding myself captive with a doctorate in getting high off my own supply Well of course I hesitate And the emotional side effects are just the icing on the cake These options are malnourished And these solutions and falling short And showing up like me Lost, in love, and a little drunk Well of course I retreat, Your fake apology left me paralyzed like a spinal cord injury Well of course I hesitate, The moment I give even a grain, Is the moment where my focus is wired to overcompensate You're not entitled to reliance It's something you earn This is up to you, the weapon that you choose This is up to you, the age of medicine and tools that you refuse And this is up to me, to hoist the weight onto my shoulders or let it fall with gravity Dead weight in jewelry boxes Crystals and stars covertly scattered But you already know the load on my plate that's only known to shatter But it's okay, don't pity me Don't even bother Like a camera, I'm too exposed to hopeful light That only makes me shutter When you were singing that song you listen to, On and on Even though your eyes were closed, It looked as though you were singing to someone in particular Behind your eyelids, Lays the faded, festering image of who and what could've been But this is up to you, the weapons that you discard or that you use You could be high on your own supply but it'll always be abused These options are malnourished and lack critical thinking Emergency service seems despondent With these mental alarms, only blinking Well of course I retreat, I have the relationship I want with it in my head Behind my weary eyelids, Lays the faded, festering image of who and what could've been