The End is How It Ends

The End is How it Ends The end is how it ends and if it doesn’t we haven’t gotten there yet As I sit here and the window open and the church bells toll It’s a reminder that your spirit is lingering and with me I have watched your torment as we lowered the casket of your first born son I saw the rolling of your eyes as I once again started over to recapture recovery The disappointment like an old photo of a woman standing in a disaster one tear transported down your cheek Disaster of a tornado brought about by my lack of integrity and honor I watched you and Pop slowly die and I was thinking is this my doing? But finding Jesus and going everyday to the nursing home to feed you both Until Pop left us after the quadruple by-pass. And his wonderful smile One day he said to me,”out of all my friends,family and children! I can’t believe it’s you here !! I felt honored that Jesus saved me as I read the second reading in state prison. We must rejoice in our suffering! How do I rejoice in such a terrible life and being a loser. Then it says ,” because suffering brings endurance. And I said I have endured no matter what’s happened both to me, Pop and Mommy. And then it says endurance brings us Character! Wow this is what I have always wanted. To respect myself! Look in the mirror knowing I’m doing it all the right way. And character brings hope. Hope is what’s driven me all my life and my mother always gave me hope. Even in her sadness, she always offered me hope as did Jesus when I opened my eyes to see. And I see you dead on that table. All that’s left of you and wonder are you watching me still? The next morning as I’m drinking coffee I do my duty in the bathroom and wash my hands… As I gaze into the mirror I see your beautiful eyes looking wonderingly at me and I see the shape of your beautiful face looking at me!!! I realize I carry you with me and your blood that passes back and forth unimaginably and am proud of who you created! The end is how it ends For Vida ( my Mother)November 16 ,1940 -March 23,2025