David Mchattie Poet Rhyme

The Elves Were In a Pickle

The Elves were in a pickle
As the Reindeer brought forth a crucial stat.
They would surely die... should they attempt to fly
Now dear Santa was too fat.
Their contract was clearly structured
To keep them safe and sound.
Where it would state... poor Santa's weight
Could not exceed three hundred pounds.

They were well aware of Santa's feelings
And no one wished to see him hurt.
So to fool the man... they devised a plan
To secretly let out his pants and shirts.
But the Reindeer were still troubled
As Rudolph sadly repeated their demands.
'There is no earthly way... to pull the toys and sleigh
With such a chubby Santa in command.'

The Elves put their heads together
And a clever idea was quickly gleaned.
For the next two weeks... they would make him eat
Nothing but pork and beans.
With a chilly Christmas Eve upon them,
They struggled to lift Santa to his sleigh.
But with a heave and a push and a slap to his tush,
He called out to the Reindeer...'Up Up and Away.'

The Reindeer pulled as best they could
And all would groan and wince.
Santa tugged on the reins as the reindeer strained
But the sleigh was not moving an inch.
Santa adjusted his boots, then unleashed the most heinous of toots
And they made ready for him to depart.
So to continue their game... the Elves ignited a flame
And set fire to one of his farts.

There was an incredible sound as the sleigh leapt off the ground
And disappeared into the blackness of night.
As the stars were a shootin'... the old Elf was a tootin'
And it made a most interesting sight.
With the children asleep... Santa made not a peep
But there were those who were cautious to tell.
In the morning they were greeted and many strangely tweeted,
They were accosted by a foul odor and smell.

The Elves were ecstatic Christmas Eve had been saved
And the Reindeer had suffered no harm.
But Santa was still pollutin' as he continued his tootin'
And Mrs. Claus made him stay in the barn.
So when the weather turns cold and the wind sets to blow
And the family car refuses to start.
Make sure Father is seen... to have eaten his beans
As you may need to ignite one of his farts.

                               The End

*Follow my cartoon at Webtoon Bob's your Uncle.

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Gail Debole July 22, 2021 at 7:14 AM Hello David, You are a great poetic storyteller! Also, love your comic strip. I'll never look at Santa the same way after this. - Gail

Lindsay Laurie December 10, 2020 at 7:15 PM Hello David … about time someone wrote about Santa’s weight. Too many of his admirers are wanting to look like him now. I really enjoyed your fun poem David - thank you - Lindsay