Debbie Guzzi Poet Haibun

Notes About The Poem

The Devil Made Me Do It

It had been a long night, an hour drive just to be with my sister. One must stay in touch with family; it’s the right thing to do. I don't even know what movie we saw. Here she was again in all her glory whining, and whimpering, about her conditions. Confined space is the wrong place to be with someone bi-polar. Sometimes, I think the family should mark her eruptions on a calendar, maybe there’s a pattern? She was hungry; her blood sugar was low; hurry, get her home! 

“Geez Sis, if my life depended on carrying peanuts, I'd make damn sure I had them with me!” I my replied. 

the sleet fell
through the headlight beams:
fog inside

“You bleeping self-centered witch!” Her reply.

And on and on, enumerating all my faults at the top of her lungs. Her face was darting back and forth across the stick shift like a viper. The weather was so bad, and her screaming so loud; I almost drove us up a telephone pole. The back road to her house was serpentine through a pinewood, and over narrow, slick, bridges. Well, about fifteen minutes into my dissection, I burst a gut.

“You need to have some control. Your diet is horrible. I wish you could see yourself eating. Your plate might as well be a trough.” There now I’ve gone and done it, I thought to myself. The little devil in me was all smiles. When we pulled into the driveway; she leapt out.

the car door
slams rattling the glass:
eyes wet as rain glass 

It only felt good for a moment. It was true; she did deserve the comment. She’d felt free to butcher me, but, it was wrong to try to hurt her. The momentary release, which felt so good, has given us months of anguish. 


Published in Dead Snakes Magazine Winter 2014

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William Gray March 5, 2015 at 10:15 AM AH! Debbie- 'Cruel to be kind', often works in the long term. Great picture, it certainly compliments the poem. I loved this family snapshot, guess we've all had similar experiences. A very honest piece. A well deserved *7*. All the Best!.

Bl Devnath October 17, 2014 at 10:51 AM It's called limit of limit with in if related to. Everything is good but too much mixing losses own existence. Beautifully said, my lovely friend. Loved always,bl

Tim Ryerson September 8, 2014 at 6:28 PM No it WASN'T wrong to hurt her! She deserved it...This reminds me of my bro-in-law and my neighbor across the street...It's everyone's fault but their own... My neighbor is a beautiful lady with a nice bod (She was a dancer in NO and was in Playboy mag) but she is a diagnosed psychotic and is of off her meds... Stunning and insightful write Cher - Tim Tim Ryerson September 11, 2014 at 12:37 AM You are right Cyndi...HI DEBBIE! Cyndi Macmillan September 10, 2014 at 10:15 PM :D Yes, I understand... all too heartbreakingly well. Can't say more "here." I worry for the very young. I think the mentally ill are far more likely to raise kids alone as adults leave while kids, unless removed by Children's Aid, must stay. All so sad. Maybe we should say hello to Debbie. Hee hee! Hi DEBBIE Tim Ryerson September 10, 2014 at 6:51 PM To let you know how young they are, the oldest just started 1st grade...Looking forward to getting back in touch with you as well! Tim Ryerson September 10, 2014 at 6:45 PM Thanks for the input Cyndi...I DO understand her illness, accept her for who she is and try to help whenever she asks (with finances, groceries, clothes, etc.) She has three adorable little children who I love dearly (They call me 'Uncle Tim" now) She is raising them on her own which is an almost impossible task... Cyndi Macmillan September 10, 2014 at 5:03 PM Hope you are well, enjoyed your summer and I look forward to catching up with you, now that my girl is back in school and I have a few more hours to call my own. :D Cyndi Macmillan September 10, 2014 at 5:02 PM I nod at what you say here, Tim. It's only that love is such a mixed up emotion. Sisterhood is even more mixed up without adding mental illness to the mix. It's just one of those, "you got to live here to get it" scenarios. If someone with cancer pukes on you after chemo, she doesn't deserve a reckoning. Mental illness is an illness. Even the not taking meds is part of the illness.

Liam Mcdaid September 8, 2014 at 6:07 PM i have a sister like this touching beautiful write god bless

Cyndi Macmillan September 6, 2014 at 9:07 PM This touched me, personally. It's because others do not understand the helplessness of someone with mental illness and that we feel awful when we finally can't take anymore, like we have been "eroded" by all that acid and fog. If someone is autistic, we now say, "the rocking, gestures, lack of emotion is a part of their persona, one they cannot change." Yet when someone is bipolar we hear others say, "She is horrible, how can you stand her?" I get this. Too well. Love sent. Soupie! Cyndi Macmillan September 6, 2014 at 9:12 PM I wish some famous actor would star in a movie that does for bipolar disorder what Rainman did for autism.

Andrea Dietrich September 5, 2014 at 9:52 PM also, if I had a sister like this, I think I would not be visiting her often!! I guess every family has a black sheep! Maybe I am the one in MY family. hahaha

Andrea Dietrich September 5, 2014 at 9:51 PM this really held my attention, Debs. I love a good flash story!! I especially liked the second haiku of your haibun. a question for you now? What is the title of the picture in your contest? I have a hard time making out its details and I need to find a bigger copy of it!

Sara Kendrick September 5, 2014 at 6:14 AM Painful comments released never helps a situation does it..Most of the time two people end up hurling hurts back and forth until the breaking point..They say that angry comments make imprints on everything..There was this study done where ice was looked at under a microscope and designs in the ice look grotesque when the words are angry, hurtful and malicious..Enjoyed reading your Haibun..Thanks for the visit to my page..Sara

Charmaine Chircop September 4, 2014 at 2:46 PM This make me think of the way I act,I am known to be very patient,and caring.I can take things inside me for years ,but if that day comes when I explide,and let my emotions take over..Gee the devil makes me do it too..Cause I ll act like an erupted volcano.Yes letting the steam out helps us feel good but worsen things in the long run.Powerful poem..I can feel your heartbeat Debora..I love your haibun ,and am favoring the poem!!Charma Charmaine Chircop September 4, 2014 at 2:48 PM Deborah I meant,and explode-Sorry for typos ,dear.

Maurice Yvonne September 3, 2014 at 6:26 PM what Carrie said. you are a brilliant writer.

Carrie Richards September 3, 2014 at 5:36 PM First of all,( just to get this out of the way.)...you are so gifted at writing in this form....always brilliantly. But the heart of this poem must not be overlooked, for the pain it evokes from a difficult relationship, yet one that may be complicated, of love, of hurt, that struggles for patience to sort through.. It is no wonder we sometimes feel guilty when we cannot hold ourselves together. We are human..and we can only try. :)