The Carens Are Here

I have had a couple of ridiculously easy choices this week. Take Predisone, a drug, and breathe. Or stop breathing, but be myself and die. Asthma is kicking my hair out of my face this week. The trouble with me is, I do not do well on drugs. I was given a Vicadin once. In a hospital After tearing my right leg off, And I did not sleep for 5 days. When this happens, Monster Caren comes out, And believe me folks, Monster Caren Is alive and well. I had not seen her For 5 years. Did not even know she Was in there, then she came Roaring out, full of ideas, flying in all directions at break-neck speed. Then the throwing up started. Exciting times, my friends. Good times. I am typing this telling tale, knowing full well it's the fifth or fifteenth day for Monster Caren without sleep. This means that Sad Caren, and Angry Caren, Complicated Caren, SHUT UP! Caren, and F.U. Caren are All in there, and they are fighting for My soul. When I went back to the doctor I told Her it’s a bit more complicated than this. Medication that would knock a WereWolf On its butt for six weeks not only does Not put me down, but puts me UP. High, high, high, high, high up. We have had more wailing, keening, screaming, Yelling, slapping, fighting in my house in the Past 5 or 8 days – who really knows? - Than we’ve had in 35 years. Sad Caren is here. Angry Caren is here. ENRAGED Caren is here. You-Are-Not-Allowed-Any-Feelings Caren is here. This one truly is the bitter one. Believe me. Our husband is hiding under the bed, holding his breath. Hoping we cannot find him. The dog has not been next to us for two days. Oh, did I forget to add that they took me Completely off of Predisone two whole days ago? I fell into Crash Caren mode yesterday, had a solid hard, delightful two hours sleep, then my husband decided to open up that creaky screen door, and hyper-alert-ready-to-fight Caren took over. My heart which was racing yesterday Is heavy today, wondering which Caren is going To kick in, and how fast? Everyone pray for my sleep please, PLEASE!!!!!!! And if you're a doctor or nurse or something, please take note: Medication is not for everyone, folks. Medication is certainly NOT for the Caren’s. We Caren’’s have been in full-blown Manic phase for 38 hours, and I have 29 garbage bags of relatively nice things In the dumpster next to my house to prove it. My husband said yesterday, “I miss You.” I said, “I miss me too.” On a happy note, I'm also throwing up, but I did not know how to add this nicely.