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I have had a couple of ridiculously easy choices this week.
Take Predisone, a drug, and breathe.
Or stop breathing, but be myself and die.
Asthma is kicking my hair out of my face this week.

The trouble with me is, 
I do not do well on drugs.
I was given a Vicadin once.
In a hospital 
After tearing my right leg off,
And I did not sleep for 5 days.

When this happens, 
Monster Caren comes out,
And believe me folks, Monster Caren
Is alive and well. I had not seen her
For 5 years. Did not even know she
Was in there, then she came
Roaring out, full of ideas, flying in all directions
at break-neck speed.
Then the throwing up started.
Exciting times, my friends. Good times.

I am typing this telling tale, knowing
full well it's the fifth or fifteenth day for
Monster Caren without sleep.
This means that Sad Caren, and Angry
Caren, Complicated Caren,
SHUT UP! Caren, and F.U. Caren are
All in there, and they are fighting for
My soul.

When I went back to the doctor I told
Her it’s a bit more complicated than this.
Medication that would knock a WereWolf
On its butt for six weeks not only does
Not put me down, but puts me UP.

High, high, high, high, high up.
We have had more wailing, keening, screaming,
Yelling, slapping, fighting in my house in the
Past 5 or 8 days – who really knows? -
Than we’ve had in 35 years.

Sad Caren is here.
Angry Caren is here.
ENRAGED Caren is here.
You-Are-Not-Allowed-Any-Feelings Caren is here.
This one truly is the bitter one. Believe me.

Our husband is hiding under the bed, holding his breath.
Hoping we cannot find him.
The dog has not been next to us for two days.

Oh, did I forget to add that they took me
Completely off of Predisone two whole days ago?
I fell into Crash Caren mode yesterday, had a solid
hard, delightful two hours sleep, then my husband decided to
open up that creaky screen door,
and hyper-alert-ready-to-fight Caren took over.

My heart which was racing yesterday 
Is heavy today, wondering which Caren is going
To kick in, and how fast? Everyone pray for
my sleep please, PLEASE!!!!!!!

And if you're a doctor or nurse or something,
please take note:  
Medication is not for everyone, folks.
Medication is certainly NOT for the
Caren’s.
We Caren’’s have been in full-blown
Manic phase for 38 hours, and I have
29 garbage bags of relatively nice things
In the dumpster next to my house to 
prove it.
My husband said yesterday, “I miss
You.”
I said, “I miss me too.”

On a happy note, I'm also throwing up, but I did not know how to add this nicely.
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