The Braeburn

according to wiki the braeburn is “though to be” the progeny of the granny smith & the lady hamilton now, don’t get me wrong as a kid, i won’t lie, i enjoyed the granny smith what with its unique, and if i might say, alluring granny smith apple © color setting it aside from the routine variations on the color red but i have never heard of the “lady hamilton” and i must admit i’m a bit suspicious about the supposed parents of the braeburn i haven’t seen the papers on this alleged “lady hamilton” myself and being that my trust lies with the scientific method well, i’d like to take the lady to the lab and get down to the nitty-gritty on her true origin because as far as i’m concerned she could be spawned from the incestuous “royal” family of britian for all i know, granny and the lady went to town on each other and somehow produced this mutant thing we call a braeburn maybe it was something extraterrestrial a gray came down and made its move on the lady maybe the writers of the fictional god character who worked on the jesus myth found a need to go even further and cook themselves up another tall tale and create the braeburn you know, something along the lines of the lady or the granny or both of em’ bein’ immaculately conceived in something like a nativity fruit bowl anyway when it comes down to it the braeburn is what you purchase in the fruit section of your local grocery when there are no galas or fujis due to the fact that i fell out of the love of that green luster brought to us by the granny smith basically, because my jaw does that lock up thing that happens when you suck down some sour food and i’m just not cool with that anymore the braeburn is the third choice it shines like the fuji and the gala but it tastes more like a mcintosh that has been frozen losing it’s sweetness and gaining a little brown on the inside still lets give the braeburn props even if it is something of a bastard malus domestica it fulfils the need in the avid apple consumer no doubt, physicians in the world would recommend the braeburn as a sufficient contender for the “apple a’ day” placement in the lives of healthy *****sapiens so in conclusion lets give the braeburn a stamp of approval even if it doesn’t really taste that good and it’s the bastard of an alien, a fictious god creation or some quirky lesbian apple sex between granny and the lady.