The Best Day In the World

Needles and pins. Needles and pins. When you grow up I hope you have twins. Yes, this was written into my mother’s slam book when she was 12, Setting her up to have twins at the age of 20, when all she expected was a large boy. Dad was in the pool parlor shooting pool when Tom Knob walked in and yelled, “Hey, Dick! You have twins!” It was all over town to everybody except Dad. Yeah, right, Dad said. Another guy was in on the joke. A few minutes later he walked in, “Hey, Stone, you have twins!” Dad threw his head back and laughed like a banshee. He stopped laughing when Mom’s relatives came to do an intervention and Hauled him up to the hospital to see his 9 pound boy, but we had split Into two beautiful, adorable, talented, fancy dandy three and a half pound Identical Twin Girls. Everyone agrees, so I guess I can say this. DAMN, we were CUTE! Dr. Yocum, who owned the hospital had had a dream every night for 59 nights in a row. He had to get an incubator down at that hospital. But he was not going to do it. Back in the 1952’s, an incubator cost $100 THOUSAND DOLLARS! He’s have to take out a loan or something. He finally broke down and bought that Incubator, a few weeks before we were born. My CUTE darling SWEET Smart TALENTED Beautiful hazel-eyes IDENTICAL Twin and ME TOO! Where the heck was I going with this? Shoot! It’s a Monday too, and I don’t have all day. I go to school in an hour or two… Oh, yes, now I remember. We were so DAMNED CUTE! Everyone came out to see us. The whole town came out. Remember Aunts and Uncles? Remember Grandmas and Grandpas? Oops. Not Grandma Marguerite. She died because she did not have her PAP test. This is NOT where I wanted to go, MUSE. You behave! Anyway, that incubator brought to Dr. Yocum in a dream Saved my twin and me and Eddiie Woods because we all three fit Inside it together! And my twin and I saved our Dad from the Korea War too because he is psychic And psychic people know things. We were born the last day of May, the day dad was MANDATED Yes, I mean MAN-DATED to go down to the draft board office And MANDATED to sign the last piece of paper to get into the Good old MANDATED Korea War, but….. This is important readers. PAY ATTENTION! My dad did not have to go down and be MANDATED Because it is MANDATED that if you had TWO Children, you did not have to get sucked Away by that ‘ole Korea War! So my twin and I got Daddy Non-Mandated!!!!!!!! The happiest day of OUR LIVES, right Mom? And our aunts and uncles carried us around on Golden cushions and fought over who got to fix our hair, And who got to play patty cake first, And man, we were so MANDATED My twin and I! We were the only kindergarteners who ever got carried in On magic carpets by aunts and uncles. The best day ever! Best DAY!