The Antics of a Yoyo Thief

The Antics Of A Yoyo Thief Potential life of as juvenile delinquent (ala bam mean future streetwise thug) stopped dead in the tracks – manacles the above two lines hopefully gives hint nearly changing changing life of one boy an undersized puny kid whose aborted theft stint constitutes the gist of following poem. Now scores of years after botched minor theft penchant courtesy security guard analogous to inquisitorial trenchant unforgettable verbal lashing (suppressing me ululation to vent) unwittingly arresting snitch behavior plus potential life of crime and punishment. Not a peep passed thru pursed lip o' mine - aye vaguely attest what age ten? eleven? twelve? of following anecdote at best educated guess, but no doubt yours truly with figurative heart in chest scared sh__less puny meek boy tight lipped silently confessed to foiled attempt, sans trying unsuccessfully to steal a yoyo, during Saturday's short break between gymnastic class at Lansdale YMCA (long since razed) inviting tummy prepubescent diminutive self unbuttoning outer garment to stash loot, revealing substantially sprawling holy skype size bare breast, after officer verbally rifled me said mean security detail demanding I undress impossible mission to escape upon being nabbed, held me arms tight, cuz yours truly ain't no Artful Dodger thus aye didst detest foolish kid ploy, and (prematurely nipping in the bud) messed up potential life of crime with first and only shoplifting heist jest for getting caught no a pest key yoyo, mama would (IF ever mama or papa FOUND OUT) they would axe me no quest chin, but whack me itty bitty teensy weensy derriere lest quickly putting to rest any Robin Hood fantasy life of riding crest to get rich quick scheme high stakes crime pressed, and squeezed out the noggin with apropos punishment addressed thankfully, neither parent got wind, nor ever guessed their beautiful darling little boy did flunk electric kool aid acid test petty theft, never matured nor ever again did zest proliferate to snatch unpaid for goods into a profitable "yoyo string Ponzi like scheme," thus ballsiest dare devilish and bitterest, and laughably noblest act yours truly ever attempted immediately ceased to shelve bravest sleight of hand find delve during broad daylight, I immediately didst abandon, when clumsiest initial foray into the world wide web tubby come cleverest lad, as iterated above this side of Lansdale, Pennsylvania many damnedest yesterdays ago, never took another earnest tempting gamble since security detail nearly wrest head possible zapped feeblest Ames? grilled, interrogated, lambasted me immediately squelched further misdemeanors to pilfer from other Department stores if pressed for money no matter, I might miss an enforced hated ballet class, with abs salute zest worse fate than juvenile detention! A long overdue belated thank you to the intimidating man in blue keeping yours truly on path lawfully being straight and true.