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That's Why I Love Farting - a Gut Wrenching Poem

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I’ve perfected the art Of withholding a fart I tighten my buttocks and clench But when no one is the vicinity I let rip with a dreadful stench A silent secret fart released in a confined place To some folks I guess it’s an utter disgrace If I fart in a lift To me it’s a gift I can leave and I’ll not be red in the face! If a fart is dropped in our house I secretly wish we had a dog I could toot with the noise of a bullfrog but I would have someone else to blame and could then say poor Fido’s name! Contest That’s why I love …. Sponsor Lewis Raynes A fictional write (well I have to say that don’t I … and I don’t have a dog lol) First stanza is taken from my poem ‘the art of farting 06~05~16

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Maurice Rigoler

Date: 6/8/2016 10:09:00 PM

Jan, I've made you Poetry Soup's unofficial Queen of Flatulence! What would humor be without it? As for my Transgender poem, I think the whole matter is ridiculous. Sounds more like these people only want to bring attention to themselves. BTW congratulations on your win. Thanks for the stop by. / M

Jan Allison
Date: 6/9/2016 7:58:00 AM

I'm the Queen of poop on soup Maurice lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Balveen Cheema

Date: 6/7/2016 9:51:00 AM

Oh God Jan! So that's the story of a fart! Lol or Congrats? Well, let it be both!

Jan Allison
Date: 6/7/2016 1:58:00 PM

LOL Thanks Balveen:-) hugs jan xx

Connie Marcum Wong

Date: 6/6/2016 11:55:00 PM

This is so true Jan. I had to laugh about an incident that happened to me today. When my husband gives our granddaughter apple juice it makes her gassy. Well she went with me to the lab today where I had blood drawn and I could smell her. I will bet anything the technician thought it was me. If I had said anything he would have thought I was just blaming my sweet g.daughter. lol congrats on your win with this clever piece! ; )

Jan Allison
Date: 6/7/2016 1:58:00 PM

Oh Connie your story made me smile:-) hugs jan xx

Jean Murray

Date: 6/6/2016 4:07:00 PM

I heard a story as a student nurse about an elderly patient smoking in a small toilet. As he got up to leave, he tossed the cigarette in the toilet ,just as he farted, yet again. There was an almighty explosion. well done Jan.

Jan Allison
Date: 6/7/2016 1:57:00 PM

Ha ha ha Jean:-) hugs Jan xx

CayCay Jennings

Date: 6/5/2016 7:01:00 PM

Oh, girl you went there, yes you did! My family has always laughed at the 'kick the dog' thing, poor dog. You amaze me in a way that is refreshing and humorous; there is no other Jan. For once, a good poem that actually blows ... CayCay (I HAD to read this to Tim who is responsible for all the squeaky floors in our home.)

Jan Allison
Date: 6/6/2016 11:54:00 AM

Forgot to say CayCay - you're a gas lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Jan Allison
Date: 6/6/2016 11:46:00 AM

I'm SO relieved i didn't go with my other option which was 'why i love watching kids pick their nose ' lol:-) hugs jan xx

CayCay Jennings
Date: 6/6/2016 10:42:00 AM

I hope you didn't get any on you (I could volley this way all day.)

Jan Allison
Date: 6/5/2016 7:10:00 PM

ha ha ha at squeaky floors lol - Oh CayCay i have tried so hard not to write farty poems recently but this one just slipped out lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Timothy Hicks

Date: 6/5/2016 5:45:00 PM

Having had personal experience with the "noise of a bullfrog", I must say that would be a VERY intense fart. You'd have to get some new trousers, methinks ;) Oh and BIG congrats on your Owl See You poem ... so awesome to hear!

Jan Allison
Date: 6/5/2016 5:50:00 PM

ha ha ha love that comment Timothy and as for Owl see you I think its finally sinking in about my success in its forthcoming publication:-) hugs Jan xx

Mike Hauser

Date: 6/5/2016 5:05:00 PM

hahaha! You are too funny!

Jan Allison
Date: 6/5/2016 5:49:00 PM

LOl thanks Mike - I know some don't appreciate my humour but hey ho there is room on soup for us all:-) hugs Jan xx

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 6/5/2016 4:20:00 PM

haha, Fictional was the best part!!! Truly a GREAT humorous write, my friend. Here is a really funny one. There was a guy waiting for an interview and he was in a small space waiting. The guy next to him farted and then got up to leave. At that exact moment when the other guy left, the interviewer came to get the poor guy left looking like the farter. This story was told to me by an ESL student in a paper I had them write: My most embarrassing moment. Oh, it was funniest thing I ever heard.

Jan Allison
Date: 6/5/2016 4:27:00 PM

Oh how embarrassing - you need to read my 'Lettuce pray' one of my very early writes which is to do with farting in a way lol - that was my embarrassing moment lol:-) hugs jan xx

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 6/5/2016 4:20:00 PM

Hope you get a win. I doubt I will this time.

Jan Allison
Date: 6/5/2016 4:24:00 PM

I write for the contests for fun Andrea and certainly don't enter all of them - a win is a bonus and means greater exposure if we get on the winners list but to me the joy is actually writing :-) hugs Jan xx

Cheryl Hoffman

Date: 6/5/2016 3:41:00 PM

Ha, ha that was a good, funny, farty poem you wrote there Jan! Its funny that when people fart the dog gets the blame, poor Fido!:)

Jan Allison
Date: 6/5/2016 3:44:00 PM

I wish we had a dog Cheryl lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Miraj Raha

Date: 6/5/2016 12:28:00 PM

LOL!!! everybody could relate to this Jan.

Jan Allison
Date: 6/5/2016 1:13:00 PM

LOL Miraj just a fun write for the contest:-) hugs jan xx

Tim Smith

Date: 6/5/2016 10:31:00 AM

Lol....too funny Jan

Jan Allison
Date: 6/5/2016 10:40:00 AM

Thanks Tim I just needed to smile today:-( hugs Jan xx

Arthur Vaso

Date: 6/5/2016 10:11:00 AM

LOL so funny, anyone reading this has to laugh, well unless they reading this in an elevator!!! :) Hugs!

Jan Allison
Date: 6/5/2016 10:14:00 AM

ha ha ha - I found the image of the gas masks - what a fabulous idea ... problem sorted lol :-) still work in progress I want to refine the final stanza but had to post it - its been a tough day sad on the Island and I needed a giggle:-(hugs Jan xx