That Guy

...Two plus two equals four... I've often wondered, ...four plus four equals eight... as I look back on my life, ...eight plus eight equals..., and so on, if the sum of my experiences is the essence of who I am. Is that cowering little boy hiding behind his mother's skirt what makes me the aged guy that has developed through life's twisting of time and fate? Is it the tween child, working at age eleven, giving out teddy bears to young men who won them for their lovely, and equally, young affections, their eyes aflutter, smiles drawn tight. I don't recall ever giving one to a beguiling young temptress, myself; although, I must admit, I became quite adept at winning them. Is that who I am, a purveyor of teddy bears, or perhaps the pizza maker of my twenties, the collegian failure, the tour guide, the boat driver, repairman, the guy who took photos, the father, husband, sibling, or so many others. Am I the guy who is gentle and kind, a Gentle Man? Or, perhaps the strong one, perhaps. Definitely not the heartthrob, the lady killer, but if I could, would that be what I would want anyway? Am I defined by the cast-aluminum pot that my mother bought long before I was born, whose cover's button handle was replaced so many times by my father and now by me, which holds ten quarts of the most wondrous beef vegetable soup that my mother used to cook, and I still cook, and I hope one day my daughter will also cook in it, long after I am gone. Am I the guy who loves too strongly and hurts too deeply. I have been told many times how utterly emotionless I am. The world seems to define you by what they perceive as you. I was always good at hide-and-seek. Am I the one who will be defined as a dreamer. Whose head has always been and will likely always be in the clouds. As the “real world” goes on around me, I live my life in my dreams. Am I that Guy? You know THAT GUY! When people think of me will I be subjugated to the title That Guy. Yeah, you know, that guy who fixed the computer, or that guy with the white hair, that guy who sat in the back of the class, that guy I spoke with on the phone, that guy who worked in the restaurant. That guy who helped me when I really needed it, that guy whose shoulder I cried on, that guy with the beautiful blue eyes, that guy whose hugs kept me going through the worst time of my life, that guy who showed me the stars, that guy who was always there for me. That Guy who I will always remember. I guess there are worse things than being That Guy! 02/07/2021