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...Two plus two equals four...

I've often wondered,

...four plus four equals eight...

as I look back on my life,

...eight plus eight equals..., and so on,

if the sum of my experiences
is the essence of who I am.
Is that cowering little boy
hiding behind his mother's skirt
what makes me the aged guy
that has developed through
life's twisting of time and fate?
Is it the tween child,
working at age eleven,
giving out teddy bears to
young men who won them for their
lovely, and equally, young affections,
their eyes aflutter, smiles drawn tight.
I don't recall ever giving one to a
beguiling young temptress, myself;
although, I must admit,
I became quite adept at winning them.
Is that who I am,
a purveyor of teddy bears,
or perhaps the pizza maker 
of my twenties,
the collegian failure,
the tour guide,
the boat driver,
repairman,
the guy who took photos,
the father,
husband,
sibling,
or so many others.

Am I the guy who is gentle and kind,
a Gentle Man?
Or, perhaps the strong one,
perhaps.
Definitely not the heartthrob,
the lady killer,
but if I could,
would that be what I would want anyway?

Am I defined by the 
cast-aluminum pot
that my mother bought 
long before I was born,
whose cover's button handle
was replaced so many times by my father
and now by me,
which holds ten quarts
of the most wondrous 
beef vegetable soup
that my mother used to cook,
and I still cook,
and I hope one day my daughter
will also cook in it,
long after I am gone.

Am I the guy who
loves too strongly
and hurts too deeply.
I have been told many times
how utterly emotionless I am.
The world seems to define you
by what they perceive as you.
I was always good at hide-and-seek.
Am I the one who will be defined
as a dreamer.
Whose head has always been
and will likely always be
in the clouds.
As the “real world” goes on around me,
I live my life in my dreams.

Am I that Guy?
You know THAT GUY!
When people think of me
will I be subjugated to 
the title That Guy.
Yeah, you know, 
that guy who fixed the computer,
or that guy with the white hair,
that guy who sat in the back of the class,
that guy I spoke with on the phone,
that guy who worked in the restaurant.

That guy who helped me when
I really needed it,
that guy whose shoulder I cried on,
that guy with the beautiful blue eyes,
that guy whose hugs kept me going
through the worst time of my life,
that guy who showed me the stars,
that guy who was always there for me.
That Guy who I will always remember.

I guess there are worse things than being
That Guy!


02/07/2021
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