Sweet Release

It all began in innocence: A glass of wine, or was it three? Euphoria and sweet release That set this thing inside me free. The very nectar of the gods splashed forth, producing mirthful joy. To loose the tongue, the stiffness too, Give liquid courage to the boy. And so it was, the hook was set, yes, thus began the long descent. Slow journeying from light to dark, Insidious, malevolent. The tale is one that’s sordid, long; it does not happen overnight. By steps, by turns, one finds oneself unable to resist, to fight. The years went by; the first were good, except the excess: always there. Then later, shocking none but self, one’s lost capacity to care. There was no God, or so I thought; I scoffed at those who did believe. In secret, doubt, anxiety, And no way to obtain reprieve. I had no outlet or escape, So I would run for miles and miles, And run and run and never stop, except at stores with beverage aisles. I had this hole that could be filled, Or so I thought, with alcohol. My go-to brand was Steel Reserve ‘cause it was strong and cheap and tall. Twelve-pack a day for endless years, Yet wondered why things weren’t alright. The nightly stupor, morning tears, And long since gone, that first delight. You hate yourself; this is your lot. You push away your friends, your wife. That drain you circle: very close. It’s what you got; this is your life. And though you’ve kept a job somehow, Your work declines; you’re pretty good, Still doing more than most you know, But far, far less than you once could. Your kids, you can’t look in the face. Pride chips away a notch each day. They know what’s up; you’re a disgrace. Time passes thus, just slips away… And then one day… you hear a voice; It’s coming from between your ears. My conscience died long years ago. The voice of God? That’s cause for fear… “Your life’s a mess, now go get help!” And so I did, outside of me. From there, it seems the heavens part; A sweet release, my eyes can see. I often wonder why a God Whom I despised would call on me, But that’s a joy He loves to do: To find the captive, set him free.