Survival Mode

I broke away not so long ago, But there are things I want you to know. I survived, yes, but I’m not yet healed— A healthy life still unrevealed. I wake each day often with a start, Worry and wariness still haunt my heart. Pains of the skin are all long gone, But the uncertainty still breathes on. Starting my day, I follow routine, Move through the hours, fate unseen. A ring of the phone or a knock at the door— Fear grips my soul, I shake to the core. I’m on high alert, day in, day out, Suspicion and dread always moving about. I watch over my shoulder, flinch at a sound, Panic for threats that aren’t even around. Exhausting, this life behind skeptical eyes, Where peace is a costume and truth wears disguise. Meeting new people, I’m reserved and composed, Make small talk with care, keep my real self closed. He’s still alive, out there living free, But he lives in the shadows inside of me. Ten years or twenty can’t sever the chains— The body may heal, but the memory remains. I still double-lock every window and door, Sleep with the light on and eyes on the floor. A sound in the night will steal all my peace, Flashbacks awake that never cease. If I seem to be guarded, distant, or cold, Know I’m still healing from stories untold. Don’t push me too hard, just let me be— I’m doing my best… in survival mode, free.