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Suicide's Debris - A Niece's Tale of Loss

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This is what I have been dealing with at home. We must learn to be understanding of someone's frail state before we judge. Thank you for reading this. 

-luloo

This poem is exactly what you need to read if you are ever thinking about taking your life. My daughter was but a 4 year old little girl who is STILL affected by her TiTi's (Auntie Karen) suicide. Her assignment in English class was to write your "personal narrative", and she wrote this. A tale of love and loss at such a young age. May she be blessed with healing as she grows. Even though she is making is seem she has got better as she grew, this momma knows she's really not here at home. It breaks my heart when I read this because I KNOW she is in more pain than she is leading on in this poem. This is what happens. You get a little girl who has no idea how to handle her emotions due to the depth of suicide's darkness...if Karen only knew what debris she left behind nine years ago. 

This is exactly how she wrote it: 

"Come home from preschool to hear some really bad news-
My aunt was found but not alive,
Oh, how I thought she would survive. 

Not understanding anything, I was only four,
I still can’t go back to that dollar store.
I still remember those fun times today,
I wish all my tears were washed away.

Things got better as I grew, so much I had,
Although I never knew that I would be so sad.
Life is good and up and down,
I think I smile and laugh more than I frown.

My family has been here since thick and thin, 
Even when the lights were dim.
I really miss my aunt, I think of her every day,
But I know I will see her again one day.

My family is finally at peace and rest,
Now that we got all the pain off our chests. 
I love my cousins, they cheer me up,
They really fill my morning cup.

Sometimes I feel I have a depressing lifetime, 
But now I don’t think of it that way-
Because I have a loving family who makes my soul shine."



-By my beautiful daughter Ella Rose, my sweet girl
a 13 year old who loved her TiTi more than life
 
Written: October 24, 2019
Posted: October 27, 2019

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019




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Date: 10/28/2019 3:51:00 PM
This poem really tugs at my heart strings, Luloo, your daughter is a gifted writer and I can feel the raw emotion in her writing, she doesn't hold anything back. I pray that she will find peace and understanding in her life and for you too my sweet friend. Thank you for sharing this very personal story. Hugs, John
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Date: 10/27/2019 10:28:00 PM
This is a amazing write by a 13 year old... so gifted is she... and I'm so sorry for her pain and yours. Suicide is so so saddening. It's so difficult for anyone to understand but especially one so young. Her poem is beautiful... Love to you, Gina
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Date: 10/27/2019 12:33:00 PM
wow...this is absolutely beautiful even in its sadness...her memory as profound as her words....i see she writes as beautiful as her mommy...i am sure you are proud, i am proud for you my friend... thanks for sharing this with us... hugs to you and Ella Rose :)
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Loo Avatar
Lu Loo
Date: 10/27/2019 1:53:00 PM
such truth you shared. It's hard because I know how that darkness can consume you- I've been there. But seeing how her tragic death has affected the whole family even 9 years later keeps me alive in ways I never thought possible. thanks my 'Sublime Sandy' :)-luloo
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Sandra Adams
Date: 10/27/2019 1:49:00 PM
i am glad you did share it...perhaps it will help someone else... one never knows how our words may touch... so sad, and no one knows how dark and lonely one must feel at that moment in time, to feel life is not worth going on...even when surrounded by so many that love them...it's just one minute in time where they are surrounded by darkness....i never saw it coming from any of the children i knew that took this same path.... hugs my friend....
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Lu Loo
Date: 10/27/2019 1:23:00 PM
thank you sweet Sandy, I wasn't sure if I should post it because it's so personal, but I wanted to convey the grief yet healing survivors of suicide feel. Even the children are affected. All my nephews and niece are at the age when they are struggling to understand why she would want to leave them. She was always super close to "her kids", She was the fun auntie. Ella named her TiTi because she could not pronounce Auntie. So that is what we all call her. thank you lovely lady :) -luloo