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Streets of Solitude

What can I breathe if oxygen rusts? I went all in with faith, then went bust An upset apple cart ~ personified Tell me otherwise; let our worlds collide I freeze, I fawn then I turn and run Wanting far too much from a short burst of fun I'm an educated guess, lost in the equation Lose all my worth with my inherent abrasion A Schrödinger jewel in the darkest vault Priceless, except for an untraceable fault The missing ingredient to a feel-good spell Climbed into the pot to be cooked up as well Just leave me alone whilst I rot to my core; I'm sure I've survived decomposition before These confines lock in the pain in my chest Escape: the only way to find necessary rest I start out and end up unable to breathe Curse of never arriving and inability to leave Repeatedly choking, cradling an inactive state Tightened grip on throat as I bargain with fate Streets of solitude become unnavigable doubt Just as I'm close, I'm promptly snuffed out

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Ink Empress

Date: 12/17/2024 8:31:00 AM

Dear dd, this would resonate with many as so many do have those moments or times where they feel incomplete or stuck in a moment, feeling unheard. I really love the opening line, so impressive , the rhymes too are unique and sublime! What hits the most is how youv used different metaphors and descriptive lines to deliver thoughts in such eloquence, especially “ I'm an educated guess, lost in the equation” kind of line~ hits home A Schrödinger jewel in the darkest vault“ what a clever way of expressing! Your take is so fitting for the theme! Loved it. Pleasure reading this, congratulations on your win. Thank you for sharing your use of the prompt.

Di11y Da11y
Date: 12/17/2024 9:14:00 AM

Hurray, I was eager to see this one judged to see if it placed :) I'm happy to see it hit the right notes. It's one that tripped off the tongue with each new metaphor, only stopping at the inevitable ending haha. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement - appreciated x

Charlotte Puddifoot

Date: 12/9/2024 7:36:00 AM

oh i see you've done one too! a meander through the maze of your mind is always interesting and worthwhile..i like the rhyming couplets, i think they work well, and i like the schrodinger jewel line - gl in the contest

Di11y Da11y
Date: 12/9/2024 8:19:00 AM

Thanks Charlotte - yep, although very differently! It's not the first time I've dragged Schrödinger into a poem - I quite like how well it works to flip an idea. Thanks for your comment

Vickey Rhymer

Date: 12/8/2024 11:48:00 PM

Priceless true.One of a kind.Enjoyed your poetic take on mankinds need to play the reel that serves us least.A condition we must intentionally work to combat.See you in the trenches.

Di11y Da11y
Date: 12/9/2024 1:21:00 AM

what a delight to see you back Vickey :) those reels need burning for sure. Thanks for stopping by

Jcb Brul

Date: 12/8/2024 9:01:00 PM

I could feel the deep sense of internal battleand self-reflection on existence with rich imagery that weaves themes isolation as well as frustration. I love how you have woven the rhythmic flow and occasional shifts between more structured and fragmented lines that echo the chaos and confusion of the poet's mind. Excellent write. Warm wishes ^___^ JCB

Di11y Da11y
Date: 12/8/2024 11:37:00 PM

Thank you JCB - it was an inspiring prompt that forced introspection.

David Kavanagh

Date: 12/8/2024 11:44:00 AM

A poem on the (Almost) part of our human condition Dilly, using great metaphoric couplets, all expressing a feeling of our perceived incompleteness, from (wanting far too much from a short burst of fun) to (just as I’m close it’s promptly snuffed out) you nailed this piece (not almost) but right on the nose, brilliant, cheers David

Di11y Da11y
Date: 12/8/2024 1:26:00 PM

I do enjoy your comments David, there's certainly an element of kinship within our poetic pov in that you notably get my intention with my poems. Thank you for stopping by, always appreciated

Silent One

Date: 12/8/2024 9:35:00 AM

I can feel the emotional suffocation and self doubt in your words... There are hints of isolation and angst in your portrayal of internal conflict, where trying to move forwards only leads to stagnation... love the reference to Schrödinger jewel in the darkest vault... Didnt realise you were so expensive.. lol... great poem and Ink will love this one..

Di11y Da11y
Date: 12/8/2024 11:29:00 AM

Worth can be quite a relative notion :) thanks for stopping by and your analytical comment, appreciated